ScriptMother

To be eligible for Screenplay of the Month, your script needs at least 2 complete reviews within the last 58 days (Jan 1, 2020).

Visit your script profile to request a review.

February Screenplay of the Month Winners

Small Time Villains TV Series
Written By: Michael Harris
Genre: Comedy,Action/Adventure
The Waiting Room Short
Written By: David Weishaar
Genre: Horror
Vengeance Wore Black Feature
Written By: D Ray Van
Genre: Western,Drama,Thriller

Nomineees for Next Month


Feature Film

Alternative Feature
Written By: Cyle Brooks
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Comedy
Hobohemia Feature
Written By: Vaughn English
Genre: Action/Adventure,Comedy
Devil's Creek Feature
Written By: D. Miles
Genre: Horror,Thriller

Television Series

Awaiting Nominees. Find out how to get nominated.

Short Film

The Sacrifice Short
Written By: Liam Treacy
Genre: Drama,Horror
Without Words Short
Written By: Joshua Groenewaldt
Genre: Drama
The Farmers Short
Written By: Christine Locker
Genre: Drama,Horror

In the Running

The following scripts are currently eligible for March Screenplay of the Month:

Past Finalists

Title Written By Month
Small Time Villains TV Series Michael Harris February - 2020
The Waiting Room Short David Weishaar February - 2020
Vengeance Wore Black Feature D Ray Van February - 2020
Lucky Beggars TV Series Marcin Klinkosz January - 2020
Varkazana Ascension Feature mike harper January - 2020
2econd Chance Short dragonspirit January - 2020
Ascension Feature jeff-lewis December - 2019
Wasted Life Short A J Lovell December - 2019
A Perfect One For Emma Short D Ray Van November - 2019
Alternative (Rough Draft) Feature Cyle Brooks November - 2019
Dream of Mirrors TV Series Marcin Klinkosz November - 2019
Dream of Mirrors TV Series Marcin Klinkosz October - 2019
The High life after dark Short Christine Locker October - 2019
Black Butterflies Feature Karen Hardinn October - 2019
Sex, Lies, Dinner & Dessert Short Timothy Boissey September - 2019
Westphall TV Series Keith St. Lawrence September - 2019
According to Legend Feature Keith St. Lawrence September - 2019
Unholy Union Short Christine Locker August - 2019
Operation: Anastasia Feature John Aldrich August - 2019
Singular - "Abs0lute Zer0" TV Series SL Eastwood August - 2019
Do It For Her Short Abraam Dawod July - 2019
You're Not All There Is Feature Connor Davey July - 2019
Stalemate TV Series Luke Carroll July - 2019
Gravekeeper TV Series Rindzler June - 2019
Ungifted Feature John Porter June - 2019
The Bench (working title suggestions welcome) Short Caleb Densman June - 2019
The Hobo (Draft 2) TV Series Michael White May - 2019
What We Did That Summer Feature Nick Romantini May - 2019
Man on the Phone Short Rakin Islam May - 2019
The Soft Green Claw Feature Esem Samuels April - 2019
HE IS HERE Short Tedd Luv April - 2019
Chicago Overcoat TV Series Abby LaMarre April - 2019
The Nökken Feature JoAnn Gartin March - 2019
Briarwood TV Series Abby LaMarre March - 2019
Bop Short Brent Woodroof March - 2019
What We Did That Summer Feature Nick Romantini February - 2019
Bop Short Brent Woodroof February - 2019
Lake Of Fire Draftf#4 Feature Anthony Silverwood January - 2019
Westphall TV Series Keith St. Lawrence January - 2019
SUNRISE Short Ronald Mathews January - 2019
Blind Ambition Short Renee Brown December - 2018
Jé Rouge Short Pablo Conseco Hernandez Diaz November - 2018
The Hobo TV Series Michael White November - 2018
Finding Milana Short Kyle Stout November - 2018
Bound by Blood Feature Esem Samuels October - 2018
Inner City Blues Feature Pablo Conseco Hernandez Diaz October - 2018
Internal Affairs TV Series Shawn Decker October - 2018

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Top Reviewers


Member Rating

D Ray Van
4
No. Reviews: 11

mike harper
3
No. Reviews: 27

Joshua Groenewaldt
4
No. Reviews: 7

David Weishaar
4
No. Reviews: 13

Eddie Listisen
4
No. Reviews: 5

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Latest Reviews


The Sacrifice Short
Reviewed by: Robin Andersson
2.25

A very wellcrafted tale. Graphic and somehow fitting. The age of the young girl and the action she takes seems hopeless, but also real in some ways. I could visualise it in my mind and it was disturbing. The dialogue feels a bit rough in some ways. It feels to adult for a 13 year old and somehow lifeless. That might be the point of the creator, but as a reader it was hard to fully take it seriously. Took some time to truly understand the events taking place, but I was also thinking alot about the piece after reading it. So it did deliver what is was supposed to deliver. An afterthough. The writer does have a promising possibility to write other great works with such detailed information in the script. Even if the dinner-scene didn't feel as correct in it's excecution. Overall a wellmade tale that can get a bit sharper in some spots.


It's Never Too Late Feature
Reviewed by: mike harper
2.75

• Concept - Good. • Characters - Chris and Helen are the most believable of all. • Story - Boy loses job and girl. Boy downward spirals. The girl still loves the boy. The boy is given help by the daughter and a new friend. Boy reunites with an old friend. • Plot/structure - Decent plot. Unfortunately nothing unseen before. Could reach Nicholas Spark's level of romance. • Scenes - Formatted correctly, just recommend minor tweaks. • Theme - Pay attention to your passions in life. Whether it is your gift of music or gift of marriage. • Genre - Definitely romantic. • Pacing - Very well written until near the last pages. • Tone - Has a few emotional • Dialogue - The majority of dialogue is natural and organic. • Marketability - needs polishing. Maybe challenging to push into the saturated romantic market. • Writing style - flows easy. • Formatting/presentation/grammar - minor items, easily overlooked. Another filter spellcheck may help or a hard-copy read through will help. • Title - Catchy. • Final rating: consider Thank you for a refreshing romantic drama – you have the makings of a great story on your hands. There’s a lot to love here. The prime characters, Chris and Helen, really came to life in their dialogue. The passive-aggressive Chris was true to form that by page 37 I didn’t realize how drawn into the story I’ve become. Helen’s choice to separate from Chris, sell the house, and move in with her best friend Tanya was true life bad timing. The fact it happened on the day Chris was fired by the stereotypical 20ish man (without the life-experience to be compassionate of Chris’s dad dying and helping Chris readjust back to work) was a page right out from my own life. The argument, the dazed and HE-motionally exhausted Chris’ was a snapshot in time that resonated with me. The script is a great effort. However, this piece of art needs a bit of work to help its full potential. My feedback is to it forward to be developed into a feature film one day. I was impressed by your world-building with Chris and Helen. Pages 1 to 10 were focused on Chris, his inattention to his wife and college daughter due to his job and flew by to the moment Chris was fired. While there’s room to elevate the emotional impact, you did a good job of introducing us to the protagonist and his world. My comment would be to include in the montage the family (Chris, Helen, Amy, and Thomas) at Chris’s father’s funeral. The nugget of information wasn’t dropped until the firing on page 9. I believe if you introduce this event earlier on it would provide us a stronger emotional wallop when Tim fires Chris just as Chris landed a multi-million contract. This string of information would tighten more into our hearts when Chris returns home to his wife leaving him. On a side note, and I say this because it was brought to my attention on one of my scripts, is to adjust the options in your scriptwriting software. For myself, WriteDuet is my go-to software. I turned off splitting dialogue, splitting action lines, and splitting sentences. Moreover, I removed all the CONT'D for consecutive dialogue. This allows the script easier to be read and removes the pet peeve of script readers. This gives your screenplay a cleaner feel to it. The other bit of adjustment would be to move the action lines within the dialogue to their line. For example on page 9, Tim glances at his notepad on his desk for a prompt. That deserves a stand-alone sentence. That brings me to a minor item in this fantastic script, less is more. You don’t need to state that Tim needed a prompt. Just state the actor glances at his note pad on the desk then returns to Chris. The (beat) nudges the character/actor to put their stamp on bringing the character in your mind to life. On page 30, how does the viewer of your movie KNOW it’s 9:45 when the band takes a break? SHOW, don’t tell is the adage. On page 31, it takes a LOT OF FORCE to break a leg. In a bar brawl, would it be his knee that breaks? Then that leads to a future set-up of rehabilitation or walking with a crutch/cane later in the movie. I may have missed it, when did Crystal tell her brothers that Ben abused her? (Page 32). Having Chris’s new friend Ben call Helen from the hospital, and Helen debates to go to him, then actually goes provided us the emotional attachment to the love she still has for him, and him for her as he mumbled her name and his facial expression and eyes grace us the visual cues to be empathic to the scene. Well done. Your character Tanya is written well in her dialogue, but her actions are borderline cliché. Although she’s a supporting character, I’d recommend looking into her biography and her personality a bit more to make her a stronger force of nature. Her first interaction with Ben could be either more comedic (think a character like Dina (Tiffany Haddish) from the feature film “Girl’s Trip” (2017) or Angela (Tasha Smith) from the feature film “Why Did I Get Married?” (2007). The dynamic between Thomas and Mary on pages 40 to 41 was cute. I’m sorry to show my American-ish ignorance, but I did have to look up the word busker. I had not heard the word before, so good job on that. The irrational anger from Helen on pages 51 to 53 was great. Well done! Chris’s clueless confusion at her sudden mood despite his good intention to recover a lost part of himself to win her back was written like a police sketch artist without missing a detail. You captured the emotion and I was drawn in more to the story. On page 54, the FLASHBACK began but didn’t end. Having him replay Helen’s shout did move the tone of the story forward, but take another look at this section and see if it could make a bit more sense. On page 57, after Tanya & Amy confront Dave, Helen’s comment about how Dave was good in bed felt jarring. It was moreso with Tanya and Amy play-fighting. When did they build that kind of relationship? Isn’t Tanya Helen’s age, so why act silly with Amy – unless that’s been built up as a personal trait of her way earlier in the script/story. The flashback of Tanya’s love life didn’t seem to push the plot along, nor add substance to the tone. Take another read-through of this and see if it aligns with your plot beat. Which begs the question, the dual dialogue of “five million of them” read a little off. I’m not sure how to capture this moment, but it could do with a re-polishing. I know you were going for the ladies' only talk and commiseration of unrequited love. How did Tanya know Dave? You can show her standing with Helen on page 2 during the montage. Page 61, the slugline confused me a bit. What or who is SAVING GRACE FURNITURE UNIT? I learned from a pro script reader/writer that for text messages there are a couple of ways to write them, but be sure to place them between quotation marks or the director may assume it’s to be HEARD by the audience rather than SHOWN on the device display or inserted into the movie with a chyron. On page 61, in the slugline, you wrote “GRAHAM POSTLETHWAITE” is this necessary to be pointed out or would a generic recording studio suffice? The tertiary character GRAHAM popped in. You need a short build-up of him before he and Ben set-up, Chris, to perform in the recording studio unbeknownst to him. On page 64 you wrote “young Chris.” Up until then within the flashbacks you don’t write “young”, you stated his age. Keep with his age and not adverb it. The flashback on page 64 was sweet to see Chris and Dave performing, but we spent an hour watching the movie before we see all four characters at a band performance (Helen, Tanya, Chris, and Dave). The secondary plot arc for Tanya and Dave is too far in the background throughout the story thus far. On page 65, how old are the band members? ON page 67, Nasher’s response to seeing Tanya was cut and cliché, but didn’t the dog only met her once at the subway platform? Tanya was window shopping until Nasher & Dave, yet on page 67 Dave sits next to her bag. Did Dave sit on the ground? When did Tanya put down the bag? Since Dave is winded and braces himself on his knees, how could he receive Nasher when Tanya turns the terrier back over? Is it common for Chardonnay to be drunk during the day time? On page 71, SHOW, don’t tell ANNE GIVEN’s husband dying from sickness. You can just state she’s a widow without the extraneous detail that only the actor will know about. The slugline didn’t match the name Sumers Cottage. Which brings me to the minor point that if you want the viewer to know the name of the care home, place the name into the scene. An overhead sign or a blade sign. Something for the set director to include in the scene. Is this fine detail needed for the story to move forward? On pages 71 to 72, is the interaction with Chris and his mother, Anne, needed for the story? This pulled me out of the dynamics between Helen and Chris. The same goes for the supporting folks (Tanya and Dave) shagging and connecting. I know it’s approximately an hour and twenty minutes for the flight from Germany to London, so keep that in mind as Thomas appears on page 77 when his grandmother (Anne) is hospitalized. Anne’s dying scene felt out of place. Is it necessary to have? Where is Helen when her “ex”-the husband needs her support? She was there when his leg was broken, but her mother-in-law is in ICU. She’d have shown her face this time too. Who is Wolf on page 93? The story morphed into a cliché by page 97 where the bullies are used to remove Ben so Chris can take the lead performer spot. On page 101, how are Mary and Thomas watching the benefit gig? Livestreaming on a laptop? The end credits felt a little choppy and out of step of the concept.


The Creepers Feature
Reviewed by: Cathie Tufnail
1.75

The first 30 pages of The Creepers reads like the start of a traditional horror thriller - a disparate group of people go into what they think is a non threatening situation which turns out to be exactly the opposite and nearly everyone dies a horrible death - but as the story progresses it veers into the format of a much slower moving, supernatural horror until right at the end, where it vacillates between the two as if the writer isn't sure whether they are writing a 'seven go in and none come out' shocker; or a slower, more supernatural/psychological horror. If it's a shocker - the audience expects shocks and fearful murder throughout. Currently the first scare doesn't happen until p22 - p25, which is almost a third of the way though the script. Why not set the tone straight away? Start with a big scare. Make it a good one. And keep the scares, and the deaths, coming. That's what most of the characters are there for! As it stands there are eight potential victims but no-one actually dies until four pages from the end of the story. Put more scares and deaths in earlier, build the tension. Spread them out, make them memorable, shocking. Be creative. That's what drives the action in a horror forward. Shocks and death. If it's a supernatural/psychological horror, structure the story differently so that it sets audience expectations correctly. There's no need for a team of victims. Just Devon, a couple of supporting characters, Mildred and some pissed off spirits. Decide - who's the main protagonist, what's going to happen to them, how's it going to happen, why's it going to happen and how are you going to make the audience care? Here are a couple of things to have a look at when deciding which way to move with the story for the next draft. Decide what kind of a haunting is at the crux of the story. This will helps decide what kind of scary stuff happens next. At the moment: p12 - things going missing, moving about = poltergeist Knocking on doors = poltergeist Disembodied voices saying specific things = spirit haunting p14 - faces in the walls, on the floor = spirit haunting p22 - disembodied shadow, ghost or zombie = the undead p58 - Mildred is now a zombie = the undead Mildred - an old lady who called the team in because she was scared, but doesn't seem at all frightened when they arrive. Why would she still be living in the house? Is she nuts? Could she in league with the Creepers? Where did she get all that cash from? Would she really be using Facebook to contact Autumn if she's the kind of woman that doesn't like banks and lives in a shack in the back of beyond? How and when does she become a zombie? p52 to p62 - We learn about the DeWolfe family and their history, who the Creepers are and what they want. This section is written with the most passion, attention to detail and conviction out of the whole script. If land theft from local people in Alaska is the story that you want to tell, use that as the starting point. Forget traditional horror, go for a supernatural/psychological thriller. p58 - what happens to Greg after he sees Mildred? Is he dead? How does he die? Why don't we see it? p66 - This scene is really jarring. It's out of character for the stone cold self absorbed character you've created in Devon to call her mum now. And where has this critical dream come from? It's a different dream to the one she had on p37. Maybe you could introduce her mum or references to this part of her back-story earlier in the script, to prime the audience. p68 - There may be a better way of getting across the shock that she's a DeWolfe. A phone conversation out of the blue about something as emotional and life changing as being adopted under macabre circumstances feels wrong. p70 - the team are now zombies. How did they die? When did they die? Then, after they've killed Devon, which we don't see, if the bodies of Mildred and the team are found by the police , presumably no longer zombies after achieving their goal of dead Devon, they wouldn't still be there to kill Ronnie a few months later when Ronnie returns. p73 - If the spirits were after revenge on Devon, who is dead, and the police took away all the zombie bodies, who or what killed Ronnie, and why? Characters Devon - the main protagonist - is the most developed character. She's an unlikable, cynical, heartless, self serving mercenary bitch, perfect for a horror movie! This is established from page 1 and reinforced, mainly through the use of dialogue, repeatedly throughout the story. But there's not a lot to like about her, and no chance for her character to develop. Why is she such a bitch to everyone? Does she have any redeeming qualities? Why should we care about her or what happens to her at the end of the story? Have a look at the rest of your characters. Troy - ex-partner/victim Ronnie - the sensible one that gets away/victim Autumn - victim Greg - victim David - victim Shelly - victim Mildred - victim Why are they there? What does each of them bring to the story? If they're just there to get dead that's fine, but make them get dead in a surprising and interesting ways. If they're there for another reason, love interest, enemy, friend etc, then make that clear and give them a bit more depth. Dialogue There's a lot of dialogue, particularly exposition dialogue. This slows the pace right down, which is not ideal in a horror movie. Look at the use of exposition dialogue, especially in the last 20 or so pages. From p58 on it's mainly static dialogue as the characters work out who's haunting Mildred's place. Is there another way to deliver the necessary reveals with more impact? Show the historical scenes rather than describe them, show photo's/documents? Generally speaking the conversational dialogue flows, David and Autumn works well, but it doesn't ring true when some of the characters are speaking, Mildred and Troy for example. Once the story is nailed down and the characters more fully developed it's likely the dialogue will hang together better.