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The Sacrifice

Short

A young girl must make the ultimate sacrifice in order to appease the one she loves.

Approved
Winner
Draft #4
Winner
Draft #4
Rating is only available to members
Drama,Horror | 3 Reviews | 4 pages | 2 months ago | Draft 4

Summary

The idea stemmed from watching this excellent short, https://vimeo.com/133284149, and it got me thinking about several other films that quite often start out as drama and then turn into a genre piece and I thought it would be interesting if there was something that started out as a genre piece but then turned into more of a straight-up drama.<br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /> The general premise is that a young girl got pregnant and has to abort it without her mother finding out because she is a controlling dance coach who wants her daughter to become a top dancer.<br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /> So, the idea is to at first present it as an all out horror. Get the audience to think that the young girl is aborting her unborn child as a sacrifice to some kind of demon. 'The Sacrifice' would appear on screen in a blood-red, horror font. There'll be typically suspenseful horror-esque score, the lighting and camera angles/movement will all reinforce the horror idea. One of my questions would be how much of this should I include in the scene description. I have some lighting description in there but am hesitant to add any camera movement (we creep along etc) incase it becomes overkill for the reader, and obviously the score is never described in the screenplay. Though I feel these would all be key elements in getting the viewer to buy into the horror aspect of the story.<br /><br /><br /><br /> <br /><br /><br /><br /> The trophies and medals that are in the girls room are the equivalent of the crosses on the walls and the bottles of holy water in the fridge. I feel cause I'm essentially doing things the other way round, my choice to include the trophies early on when we're still in the horror part of the story perhaps sticks out too much, though I'm unsure of how to foreshadow this in any other way.,<br /><br /><br /><br /> Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

Reviews

The concept of this script is quite interesting, the premise is somewhat unique and it's very unstated and subtle in it's execution. Nothing that shoves itself in your face too much, in fact it leaves you asking questions. It's such a short script and yet it somehow manages to build up a tense sense of suspense and intensity in just four short pages. The minimal dialogue enhances the experience as it makes you figure things out for yourself and w...

2 months ago | read more...
Ajenai Hampton Top Reviewer
Right off the bat, the abortion scene made me question your knowledge of "hanger abortions". As a 13 year old, I question her ability to understand her own complex reproductive system. I would research a bit more on the accuracy of someone's ability to perform this to themselves without puncturing their internal organs and bleeding out on the spot or getting it stuck in their cervix. Other than that, I thought the concept was good...upsetting, bu...

2 months ago | read more...
Claire Benedix Top Reviewer
rodrigo.m.cosme@gmail.com

First of all, I would like to remind the writer that I am no expert in either writing screenplays or reviewing them. This is simply my opinion and suggestions, therefore no professional observation on this work.

The story is pretty well written, and the writer shows a great and wide vocabulary which always comes in handy when writing pretty much any genre. There is obviously not much character development, but that...

1 month ago | read more...

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