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The Nature of Secrets

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By Michael Kibler
Drama,Romance

After the death of her mother, Lily learns of the star-crossed relationship between her mother and the father she never knew.

Approved
Nominee
Draft #4
Nominee
Draft #3
Winner
Draft #2
Peer Rating: 37%
Industry Rating: N/A
Draft 5: 37%
Draft 4: 60%
Draft 3: 54%
Draft 2: 30%
Draft 1: 27%
2 Reviews | 85 pages | 4 weeks ago | Draft 5

Summary

After the death of her mother, Lily learns of the star-crossed relationship between her mother and the father she never knew.




At her mother's funeral reception, Lily learns of her mother, Iðunn Halldórsdóttir and father, Will North from her grandmother, Olivia North, Will's ex girlfriend, Theresa Jenkins, and Iðunn's twin sisters, Fríða and Eydís.




Will, having broken up with Theresa and Iðunn getting cheated on by her boyfriend Viktor, find each other. Meanwhile Theresa tries to get Will back, eventually failing.




Will and Iðunn get together, heading to Iðunn's hometown in Iceland. There Will meets Iðunn's former friend and Victor's current girlfriend, Andrea. Andrea, having made a mistake in being with Viktor tries to use Will as a way out of her relationship, resulting in a devastating backfire with Viktor attacking Will and Iðunn questioning Will's fidelity.




Will and Iðunn reconcile their differences after learning of Iðunn's pregnancy. Will and Iðunn suffer a car accident, resulting in the death of Will. Lily, gets help from Olivia to process the information and takes a trip to Iceland of her own where she meets Andrea as a waitress. Lily then ventures to Iðunn's hometown.

Industry Reviews

Industry

Retelling of Again to Love is not perfect, but still a solid read
All in all, this was a solid retelling of the older script, Again to Love. I suggest you mainly focus on building the story up more and work on your character development, mostly for Will. Good luck and I hope my feedback will be helpful for your future drafts!

1 month ago | read more...
Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer
Industry

A very solid and heartfelt reworking of your script. It has a solid premise and lays the right groundwork
Overall, this is the right direction for your script, because the inclusion of Lily's character really brings the central idea together. If you're goingto take this flashback angle, I would use it more and craft it more carefully and in a cinematic way throughout.

2 months ago | read more...
Script Mother Top Reviewer

Peer Reviews


Great first draft!
When reading over your script, assume your reader (of viewer if you want to think of it as a final product) is smarter than you think. You want the words on the page to pull your reader in and keep them guessing. Don't give away more than you need to in expositional dialogue or over explaining things. Allowing the reader to experience your script as if it were happening to them means they don't have all the answers right away. Leave them with que...

3 weeks ago | read more...
Mackensie McKee Top Reviewer

Some secrets aren't worth keeping.
The writer has potential, for sure. However, the story was like a cup of tea with cream and then at the end a twist of lemon curdled an otherwise tasty beverage. The end kind of left me feeling cheated. What's the big secret? Why keep that information from Lily her whole life? If the origin of her parentage had turned out to be the other guy, then the story would have been a lot more interesting, in my opinion. That would have been a secret worth...

2 weeks ago | read more...
Comicvs Brooks Top Reviewer

A good love story with interesting twists but fell flat towards the end
Look over the concept and story because I liked the focus mainly on the mother's relationship with Will and how they got to know each other, it was interesting to see them blossom what they had between them. Once it came towards the end, her pregnancy came out of nowhere and didn't make sense since you gave no context beforehand and just felt thrown in there. I felt like the car crash was one of your big climaxes in the scene, and for it to not e...

1 month ago | read more...
Myles Brodsky Top Reviewer

Excellent work of screenwriting craft. One of the best screenplays I have ever read.
Thank you so much for writing this work of art as it filled blanks into my own story as I have never known my biological dad. You made me happy and yet cry, while reading. I loved every piece of your work. I would be honored to help you make this screenplay a production reality, if needed.

3 months ago | read more...
Ricardo Soto

Third Draft with First Draft Issues
Action lines and dialogue combine to show a story to the reader/audience. Your actions lines are long and clunky. Your dialogue is 99% unuseable. These two combined tell an extremely dull fractured story, that unfortunately lacks any kind of imagination.

A script can get away with different styles of written action if the dialogue is good, and the scenes flow, laying out a story for the viewer. This does not. Because the actions lines are bad...

3 months ago | read more...
Kenny Athelstan Top Reviewer

The story has the potential of creating an intense emotional bond between the characters and audience. However, the slow pacing and mundane events for a great deal of the story kept the emotional bond at bay until act three.
This was a cute story describing how a man and woman met and ultimately established a loving relationship. It was cute and sweet. However, for a great deal of the story, it was mundane. Then, it started to get interesting when Andrea seduced Will, Viktor physically attacked Will and the secret of Lily's conception was revealed. Until that point, I wasn't invested in the characters or the story. I gave a lot of thought as to why I wasn't invested....

4 months ago | read more...
Kathleen Hof

An emotion and personal story, yet lacking in depth and good dialogue.
Solid, definitely something to continue work on. Maybe add a bit more tension to keep the reader engaged and work on the dialogue but this personnel story definitely has a good road. It just needs to be paved.

4 months ago | read more...
Luke Richardson

A woman from Iceland gets into two love triangles
Overall, this is a good start to a dramatic, love story. Once the structure is cleaned up, that should naturally add further depth to the main characters and enhance the dialogue. Within that, the writer might also find opportunity to build up the dramatic irony more. The writer did do a solid job of their descriptions of scenes despite how many there were.

5 months ago | read more...
Vaughn English

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