Hunter P. Thompson

Stock Character

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 8 | Reviews: 16

Following

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
4 days ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Hell's Ecstasy short
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
Barry and his friends are ready for a great bachelor party until it goes beyond ecstasy.

I will start out by saying that I think you have a decent idea to start with but I don't think it's explored well enough in this short. Maybe consider writing a feature length? You can explore more of the characters, the whitches, everyone's motives, etc. Another thing that I feel like I have to say is your dialogue feels extremly unnatural. It is way too on the nose and everyone is saying exactly what they say. It also feels very repetitive. For example, you have the guys say multiple times "this is a bad trip" or "maybe we're dead or we're just having the same bad trip". I've never seen the words "bad trip" so many times in a manuscript before. Maybe find some synonyms and do a little research on subtext in dialogue. There are plenty of YouTube videos on it to help. Also when you introduce a character for the first time, their names have to be in caps. You can't just jump into them being a person without introducing them first. Like instead of "A young hip 20s something man, Barry", put BARRY (20s), young, hip, etc. And one last thing, you don't need to put "cut to" for every scene change. Only one's where it feels extremely necassary and it's more for dramatic/comedic purposes. But I hope this review finds you well and best of luck with your script.

Hunter P. Thompson just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
Hell's Ecstasy short
Genre: Horror
Barry and his friends are ready for a great bachelor party until it goes beyond ecstasy.
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Elders Way short
Genre: Family,Drama
Review Rating:
An elder woman struggles to connect with her family during the pandemic breakdown. Will the help come in time?

I'd like to first say that your script was okay. It was interesting that you decided to write about what's going on in the world and mix it with the "old people don't know technology" cliche. One thing thought, if this is going to be a timeless short screenplay which you probably want, maybe the news reporter can slip in a line about what's happening. We know of course and thanks to your logline, but people in twenty years won't. Another thing, how did the laptop get there? Who dropped it off? But 10/10 on that end twist, I did not see that coming! Robert and her were divorced the whole time and it was the dog sighing! Mary also seems like quite a cool grandma, the "remember how you used to stuff your bra with dad's socks?" right in front of the neighbour friend. Classic. But why was Ciara so secretive about her talking with her grandmother. If Anna and Mary were estranged, I would get it, but they seemed fine. Another thing, maybe make Thomas a little older. The line "he's hot" coming from Mary and then finding out Thomas is only 18 feels a little weird. But good story. Short and sweet

Comments

Marcin
Thanks for your time and feedback. That was a quick brainstorm and 1 day draft for BBC Interconnected short competition. I didn`t have time to make it clearer that they weren`t divorced. It was a good exercise though. Thanks and best of luck with your projects.
reply
Hunter P.
Thanks! Good luck with the competition
reply
Hunter P. Thompson just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
Elders Way short
Genre: Family,Drama
An elder woman struggles to connect with her family during the pandemic breakdown. Will the help come in time?
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Long Live The President short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
In a revolutionary time, Sahar, a young nurse, finds herself face to face with the old dictator ruling the country after he fell ill and stepped into her emergency room, and must choose between saving him or killing him to save her country.

I can see you were trying to do a medical drama short here. You had a decent concept but I think it would use some tweaking. But first, I'd like to say that your structure was overall pretty good. I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know how a lot of the hospital stuff is working but you seem to know very well. I think the dialogue could use some work though. Shorten up the sentences and maybe look into implying subtext in it. There's several YouTube videos on that stuff. Now I found the story a little all over the place. So the president being in the hospital is a major deal (But how is he in the hospital if he's on the news live?) but we don't really deal with it for a lot of the time and instead focus on Samir. Now I think we're supposed to get the impression that they don't like the president because he isn't doing a whole lot for the country. But at the end it seems like a race to save the president. My alternate proposal (and this is just a thought): Most of the story works the same. Sahar talks to Samir a lot and hears about his shitty life. But at the end after he dies, Sahar overdoeses the president and he dies. I know, it's a hot take but think of it what you can. It's just a thought. In the end, it's your story. But I hope this review finds you well

Screenplays

Top Shelf
Feature

Draft #6 | Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 2 reviews | 107 pages
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Reviews

Hillbilly
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 1 reviews | 33 pages
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
James Bond prepares for a fight against his arch nemesis Blofeild
Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 6 reviews | 9 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 4 reviews | 37 pages

Lucky Beggars
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 2 reviews | 88 pages

EON
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 122 pages

8:00 AM
Short

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 1 reviews | 45 pages

Bride-To-Be
Short

Genre: Comedy,Family,Drama
A woman doesn't like who her ex is marrying
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 3 reviews | 2 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 4 reviews | 2 pages

Future-Proof
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 1 reviews | 2 pages
Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 1 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 2 reviews | 10 pages
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 1 reviews | 5 pages

Cutting Edge
Short

Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 2 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 4 reviews | 15 pages

Elders Way
Short

Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 1 reviews | 6 pages
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 3 reviews | 11 pages
SHOW MORE

Hunter P. Thompson

Stock Character

Reviewer Rating: | Screenplays: 8 | Reviews: 16

Nothing here.

Following

Screenplays

Top Shelf
Feature

Draft #6 | Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 2 reviews | 107 pages
SHOW MORE
SHOW MORE

Reviews

Hillbilly
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 1 reviews | 33 pages
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
James Bond prepares for a fight against his arch nemesis Blofeild
Rating is only available to members
6 months ago | 6 reviews | 9 pages
SHOW MORE
Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 4 reviews | 37 pages

Lucky Beggars
TV Series

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 2 reviews | 88 pages

EON
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 4 reviews | 122 pages

8:00 AM
Short

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 1 reviews | 45 pages

Bride-To-Be
Short

Genre: Comedy,Family,Drama
A woman doesn't like who her ex is marrying
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 3 reviews | 2 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 4 reviews | 2 pages

Future-Proof
Short

Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 1 reviews | 2 pages
Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 1 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 2 reviews | 10 pages
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 1 reviews | 5 pages

Cutting Edge
Short

Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 2 reviews | 3 pages
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 4 reviews | 15 pages

Elders Way
Short

Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 1 reviews | 6 pages
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 3 reviews | 11 pages
SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
4 days ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
A review was just purchased for a feature script. Claim it here.
1 month ago
feature
Genre: Comedy,Romance,Action/Adventure
A socially-awkward hockey player is forced to relive the day of his championship game over and over again until he wins.
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Hell's Ecstasy short
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
Barry and his friends are ready for a great bachelor party until it goes beyond ecstasy.

I will start out by saying that I think you have a decent idea to start with but I don't think it's explored well enough in this short. Maybe consider writing a feature length? You can explore more of the characters, the whitches, everyone's motives, etc. Another thing that I feel like I have to say is your dialogue feels extremly unnatural. It is way too on the nose and everyone is saying exactly what they say. It also feels very repetitive. For example, you have the guys say multiple times "this is a bad trip" or "maybe we're dead or we're just having the same bad trip". I've never seen the words "bad trip" so many times in a manuscript before. Maybe find some synonyms and do a little research on subtext in dialogue. There are plenty of YouTube videos on it to help. Also when you introduce a character for the first time, their names have to be in caps. You can't just jump into them being a person without introducing them first. Like instead of "A young hip 20s something man, Barry", put BARRY (20s), young, hip, etc. And one last thing, you don't need to put "cut to" for every scene change. Only one's where it feels extremely necassary and it's more for dramatic/comedic purposes. But I hope this review finds you well and best of luck with your script.

Hunter P. Thompson just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
Hell's Ecstasy short
Genre: Horror
Barry and his friends are ready for a great bachelor party until it goes beyond ecstasy.
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Elders Way short
Genre: Family,Drama
Review Rating:
An elder woman struggles to connect with her family during the pandemic breakdown. Will the help come in time?

I'd like to first say that your script was okay. It was interesting that you decided to write about what's going on in the world and mix it with the "old people don't know technology" cliche. One thing thought, if this is going to be a timeless short screenplay which you probably want, maybe the news reporter can slip in a line about what's happening. We know of course and thanks to your logline, but people in twenty years won't. Another thing, how did the laptop get there? Who dropped it off? But 10/10 on that end twist, I did not see that coming! Robert and her were divorced the whole time and it was the dog sighing! Mary also seems like quite a cool grandma, the "remember how you used to stuff your bra with dad's socks?" right in front of the neighbour friend. Classic. But why was Ciara so secretive about her talking with her grandmother. If Anna and Mary were estranged, I would get it, but they seemed fine. Another thing, maybe make Thomas a little older. The line "he's hot" coming from Mary and then finding out Thomas is only 18 feels a little weird. But good story. Short and sweet

Comments

Marcin
Thanks for your time and feedback. That was a quick brainstorm and 1 day draft for BBC Interconnected short competition. I didn`t have time to make it clearer that they weren`t divorced. It was a good exercise though. Thanks and best of luck with your projects.
reply
Hunter P.
Thanks! Good luck with the competition
reply
Hunter P. Thompson just claimed a review for a short script
1 month ago
Elders Way short
Genre: Family,Drama
An elder woman struggles to connect with her family during the pandemic breakdown. Will the help come in time?
Hunter P. Thompson completed a review for
1 month ago
Long Live The President short
Genre: Drama
Review Rating:
In a revolutionary time, Sahar, a young nurse, finds herself face to face with the old dictator ruling the country after he fell ill and stepped into her emergency room, and must choose between saving him or killing him to save her country.

I can see you were trying to do a medical drama short here. You had a decent concept but I think it would use some tweaking. But first, I'd like to say that your structure was overall pretty good. I'm not a doctor so I wouldn't know how a lot of the hospital stuff is working but you seem to know very well. I think the dialogue could use some work though. Shorten up the sentences and maybe look into implying subtext in it. There's several YouTube videos on that stuff. Now I found the story a little all over the place. So the president being in the hospital is a major deal (But how is he in the hospital if he's on the news live?) but we don't really deal with it for a lot of the time and instead focus on Samir. Now I think we're supposed to get the impression that they don't like the president because he isn't doing a whole lot for the country. But at the end it seems like a race to save the president. My alternate proposal (and this is just a thought): Most of the story works the same. Sahar talks to Samir a lot and hears about his shitty life. But at the end after he dies, Sahar overdoeses the president and he dies. I know, it's a hot take but think of it what you can. It's just a thought. In the end, it's your story. But I hope this review finds you well