Damian Rzymski

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 12
Enjoys:

Short Bio

I am a writer from the UK and a student of the craft for many years. Until now I've never wanted to put my work out there but I love the craft so much and enjoy the process that I feel maybe now us the time to share; knowledge and work.

Recent Activity

Damian Rzymski completed a review for
1 month ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Review Rating:
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.

Really good. I enjoyed the read very much. The subject matter of dealing with self inflicted mental illness and how it consumes us, such as guilt, is very real and relevant, especially is in todays day and age, albeit not in such extraordinary circumstance such as this story but, for the sake of drama, I totally get it. The tone is set up from the start and the writer comes across as aware of the theme in place because there is a strong sense of story here that has a clear direction that ends in a satisfying way, although probably not in the most appropriate way. Which is suicide. Don't get me wrong; Revenge. Suspense. Excitement. Got to add some spice to such morbid subject matter to keep this thing a page turner. I'd be thinking along the same lines too. I've marked this story up highly because everything is in place to rewrite and hone the craft into a great screenplay. However, I did wonder what it was that drove Brooks to the booze, which lead to drink driving, which led to killing Sammy. So, although the Hooded Man connected the dots for the reader, I did feel that not all the dots were connected. The flashback scenes with the grandparent threw me somewhat as I couldn't see the relevance, unless it was to foreshadow the scene where Brooks steals money from the homeless man. If that's the case I can safely say I would understand his need to steal without the flashback. It's tough living rough. Speaking of foreshadowing, alluding to the Honda in the phone call with his father and the child playing with the toy cars in the café was a good move. The scenes are well written and polished and, like I've already said, it really set the tone of the story. There are minor craft concerns with regards to structure and dialogue which I'd rather discuss in my additional notes as it's not a direct influence on my review. Because craft is craft, we're students of it with our own opinions and style; and my thought process may not align with yours. Also, on a final note, the length of the script might, and probably will, come across as way too long for a short feature; the length of Man on a Phone is borderline episodic TV. But again this is probably down to its place in the rewriting process, nothing honing the craft can't fix.

2 months ago
2 reviews
36 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
2 months ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.
2 months ago
2 reviews
36 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
3 months ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

What is this about? I don't get it. Is this really a short story or an attempt at opening a future Bond feature? I only ask myself that question because a song by Melissa Fine is written in as an opening credit song on p4, which is one page before the script ends; that's strange for a short story. Also, the song is seems too upbeat for a Bond flick to me, although, I'm not really an expert on Bond theme tunes to have an opinion on that. Then I ask myself is this even a story because I couldn't logline it, simply because I didn't get what Bond wanted off the page. What does he want from this story? It all seemed like a random event where neither Bond or the audience get anything out of it. On the upside, there is a dilemma; Blofeld will detonate bombs all over the world if he doesn't get Bond and 10million. Thing is, Bond doesn't react to the dilemma, he just looks to M for the answer with the line "So... What should we do? Should I surrender? What's the mission?". Just by asking those questions seemed a little out of character for Bond; the reason why Bond is who he is because he can make the tough decisions that no-one else would even comprehend. Some other things that came across as out of character, for Bond, was the swearing, specifically the F-word. So I did a google search and the worst cuss word I could find was him calling Jill St. John a bitch in Diamonds are forever. I don't think swear words have a place in Bond movies, especially the F-word. Another thing about this Bond that didn't sit right with me is him killing the clown in what came across as an random act of violence. Was the clown armed? I didn't get that off the page. Does the clown have an association with Blofeld or is he someone who is going to help Bond? I didn't get that off the page either. Bottom line is, Bond isn't just going to kill someone, who could otherwise be just an innocent man, without just cause; the consequences would be dire. Also, Bond works for an intelligence agency, so even if the clown was there to kill him, I'm pretty sure Bond would want to extract information before shooting him. I believe a better understanding of the Bond character, traits/behaviours, strengths/weaknesses and flaws, would provide for a better tell. If someone is to write a Bond story then it's only right to stay true to the original creation of Flemming. Anyway, the end of the script begins to interpret this whole thing as a dream/memory like he is struggling to escape the trauma inflicted by his run ins with Blofeld. If that's the case, then okay, I kind of get the impression but I certainly didn't get it off the page. Dialogue is okay, seemed natural enough, although there were some exchanges that could have been done away with subtext, but as it stands, it wasn't distracting enough to take me out of the moment. It's difficult to measure the structure because there's no (apparent) story to weave through it, the bare bones are probably there but it just not fleshed out enough to warrant a tell. There is nothing compelling about this Bond or this story at this time. It needs a complete retool and a logline from the writer; if a writer can't tell their story in one or two sentences, then it's not worth telling.

3 months ago
2 reviews
5 pages

Comments

Erez
Very mature, revenge review!! You did read that it says it's not complete and I'm looking for ideas to help me think of how to continue, for theme songs, tomorrow never dies, writings on the wall, another way to die, skyfall, you know my name, do more research, plus Fleming has swears in the books, which I've been listening to, you probably only watched the movies, which I even doubt very much!!! You don't need fade out, fade in, because not all movies scripts have that!!! Your criticism was not professional at all because it was for revenge, I gave an honest review that you took to heart as an attack, which your grammar and spelling were horrendous, sorry but I am personally attacking your review, not you or you script!!! Well maybe you too!!!
reply
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
3 months ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
3 months ago
2 reviews
5 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
4 months ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.

A very well written story that follows the standard blueprint for a horror movie which is good because it helps the read; the most promising attribute to this screenplay was the fact that it read easy and comfortably. Some writers tend to overcook the written scene that it becomes very difficult to process; the written scenes in The Nokken were marinated well enough to visualise and interpret the action without double taking, so to speak. The Nokken mythology was convincing, I don't know if the legend is real or not, but either or, it worked. Because the story followed a specific blueprint the structure held its own but I do feel that the execution of the story and structure was lacking somewhat; and I think this may be down to the development of the characters which is why I scored this section as poor. The protagonist Sara, what does she want? What is it that's compelling her to even worry about the Nokken Myth? She is written as the girl who plays it safe, so when the murder and missing girls comes to light, I'm pretty sure she is just going to want to get the hell out of there. That's the safe option, right? So what is it that keeps her at the lake, protecting her friends, helping the authorities etc.? What does she want? If a character doesn't want something, then they are passive, they would avoid conflict and dilemma at all costs. Characters are written to face dilemma and deal with the consequences of that dilemma. Dilemma makes a characters active which creates conflict which is action. And because of the lack of dilemma in this story all the conflict between the characters, even though they may seem natural, actually came across as forced. Read over my reviews, Dilemma is a talking point in most screenplays I read from aspiring screenwriters. Dilemma is a screenwriting tool. All characters should want something which will influence their decisions out of dilemma to create conflict. Another screenwriting tool is subtext. Now the dialogue flowed, it did seem natural on the most part, but there we're a lot of exchanges where I thought that that could have been expressed visually and not in words. It wasn't off putting, it doesn't severely break the moment but maybe running a fine 'subtext' comb over the scenes would definitely fine tune them. There were a lot of questions I found myself asking during the read. If Mayella Edwards body has been found then the Lake and its Cottages become a crime scene, so why wasn't it cordoned off? Doesn't a person have to be missing for 24 hours before the police can make a case? I didn't understand why the police were so quickly on the case the next morning after the Blonde went missing. If the town is in on the Myth, and allowing it to run its course every nine years, then why are they exposing information about murders and missing people to the tourists (prey) visiting the lake? If this does happen every nine years, since 1962, then why are people still visiting this lake? Why is the lake still considered a tourist attraction? I mean, it's a graveyard really, right? The holy water, where did Sara get it? I didn't get that off the page. There is a lot of potential with this script, several rewrites and there could be a product. I enjoyed the read, the screenplay is not bad, but we live in a world where not bad doesn't cut it. But it's a starting point.

5 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
Undead Nation feature
Genre: Western
Dalton has everything taken from him in a single day then rides out to start over only to end up in a town under attack by possessed Indians.
5 months ago
reviews
84 pages

Screenplays

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
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Reviews

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Underwood
Feature

Rating is only available to members
1 year ago | 2 reviews | 105 pages

Bop
Short

Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 5 reviews | 16 pages
Rating is only available to members
8 months ago | 1 reviews | 106 pages
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
James Bond plot
Rating is only available to members
3 months ago | 2 reviews | 5 pages
Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 2 reviews | 36 pages
SHOW MORE

Damian Rzymski

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 12
Enjoys:

Short Bio

I am a writer from the UK and a student of the craft for many years. Until now I've never wanted to put my work out there but I love the craft so much and enjoy the process that I feel maybe now us the time to share; knowledge and work.

Screenplays

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
SHOW MORE

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
4 months ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

Damian Rzymski completed a review for
1 month ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
Review Rating:
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.

Really good. I enjoyed the read very much. The subject matter of dealing with self inflicted mental illness and how it consumes us, such as guilt, is very real and relevant, especially is in todays day and age, albeit not in such extraordinary circumstance such as this story but, for the sake of drama, I totally get it. The tone is set up from the start and the writer comes across as aware of the theme in place because there is a strong sense of story here that has a clear direction that ends in a satisfying way, although probably not in the most appropriate way. Which is suicide. Don't get me wrong; Revenge. Suspense. Excitement. Got to add some spice to such morbid subject matter to keep this thing a page turner. I'd be thinking along the same lines too. I've marked this story up highly because everything is in place to rewrite and hone the craft into a great screenplay. However, I did wonder what it was that drove Brooks to the booze, which lead to drink driving, which led to killing Sammy. So, although the Hooded Man connected the dots for the reader, I did feel that not all the dots were connected. The flashback scenes with the grandparent threw me somewhat as I couldn't see the relevance, unless it was to foreshadow the scene where Brooks steals money from the homeless man. If that's the case I can safely say I would understand his need to steal without the flashback. It's tough living rough. Speaking of foreshadowing, alluding to the Honda in the phone call with his father and the child playing with the toy cars in the café was a good move. The scenes are well written and polished and, like I've already said, it really set the tone of the story. There are minor craft concerns with regards to structure and dialogue which I'd rather discuss in my additional notes as it's not a direct influence on my review. Because craft is craft, we're students of it with our own opinions and style; and my thought process may not align with yours. Also, on a final note, the length of the script might, and probably will, come across as way too long for a short feature; the length of Man on a Phone is borderline episodic TV. But again this is probably down to its place in the rewriting process, nothing honing the craft can't fix.

2 months ago
2 reviews
36 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
2 months ago
Man on the Phone short
Genre: Thriller,Mystery/Suspense
A careless young man finds his life falling apart after encountering a mysterious hooded stranger.
2 months ago
2 reviews
36 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
3 months ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

What is this about? I don't get it. Is this really a short story or an attempt at opening a future Bond feature? I only ask myself that question because a song by Melissa Fine is written in as an opening credit song on p4, which is one page before the script ends; that's strange for a short story. Also, the song is seems too upbeat for a Bond flick to me, although, I'm not really an expert on Bond theme tunes to have an opinion on that. Then I ask myself is this even a story because I couldn't logline it, simply because I didn't get what Bond wanted off the page. What does he want from this story? It all seemed like a random event where neither Bond or the audience get anything out of it. On the upside, there is a dilemma; Blofeld will detonate bombs all over the world if he doesn't get Bond and 10million. Thing is, Bond doesn't react to the dilemma, he just looks to M for the answer with the line "So... What should we do? Should I surrender? What's the mission?". Just by asking those questions seemed a little out of character for Bond; the reason why Bond is who he is because he can make the tough decisions that no-one else would even comprehend. Some other things that came across as out of character, for Bond, was the swearing, specifically the F-word. So I did a google search and the worst cuss word I could find was him calling Jill St. John a bitch in Diamonds are forever. I don't think swear words have a place in Bond movies, especially the F-word. Another thing about this Bond that didn't sit right with me is him killing the clown in what came across as an random act of violence. Was the clown armed? I didn't get that off the page. Does the clown have an association with Blofeld or is he someone who is going to help Bond? I didn't get that off the page either. Bottom line is, Bond isn't just going to kill someone, who could otherwise be just an innocent man, without just cause; the consequences would be dire. Also, Bond works for an intelligence agency, so even if the clown was there to kill him, I'm pretty sure Bond would want to extract information before shooting him. I believe a better understanding of the Bond character, traits/behaviours, strengths/weaknesses and flaws, would provide for a better tell. If someone is to write a Bond story then it's only right to stay true to the original creation of Flemming. Anyway, the end of the script begins to interpret this whole thing as a dream/memory like he is struggling to escape the trauma inflicted by his run ins with Blofeld. If that's the case, then okay, I kind of get the impression but I certainly didn't get it off the page. Dialogue is okay, seemed natural enough, although there were some exchanges that could have been done away with subtext, but as it stands, it wasn't distracting enough to take me out of the moment. It's difficult to measure the structure because there's no (apparent) story to weave through it, the bare bones are probably there but it just not fleshed out enough to warrant a tell. There is nothing compelling about this Bond or this story at this time. It needs a complete retool and a logline from the writer; if a writer can't tell their story in one or two sentences, then it's not worth telling.

3 months ago
2 reviews
5 pages

Comments

Erez
Very mature, revenge review!! You did read that it says it's not complete and I'm looking for ideas to help me think of how to continue, for theme songs, tomorrow never dies, writings on the wall, another way to die, skyfall, you know my name, do more research, plus Fleming has swears in the books, which I've been listening to, you probably only watched the movies, which I even doubt very much!!! You don't need fade out, fade in, because not all movies scripts have that!!! Your criticism was not professional at all because it was for revenge, I gave an honest review that you took to heart as an attack, which your grammar and spelling were horrendous, sorry but I am personally attacking your review, not you or you script!!! Well maybe you too!!!
reply
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
3 months ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
3 months ago
2 reviews
5 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 months ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
4 months ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.

A very well written story that follows the standard blueprint for a horror movie which is good because it helps the read; the most promising attribute to this screenplay was the fact that it read easy and comfortably. Some writers tend to overcook the written scene that it becomes very difficult to process; the written scenes in The Nokken were marinated well enough to visualise and interpret the action without double taking, so to speak. The Nokken mythology was convincing, I don't know if the legend is real or not, but either or, it worked. Because the story followed a specific blueprint the structure held its own but I do feel that the execution of the story and structure was lacking somewhat; and I think this may be down to the development of the characters which is why I scored this section as poor. The protagonist Sara, what does she want? What is it that's compelling her to even worry about the Nokken Myth? She is written as the girl who plays it safe, so when the murder and missing girls comes to light, I'm pretty sure she is just going to want to get the hell out of there. That's the safe option, right? So what is it that keeps her at the lake, protecting her friends, helping the authorities etc.? What does she want? If a character doesn't want something, then they are passive, they would avoid conflict and dilemma at all costs. Characters are written to face dilemma and deal with the consequences of that dilemma. Dilemma makes a characters active which creates conflict which is action. And because of the lack of dilemma in this story all the conflict between the characters, even though they may seem natural, actually came across as forced. Read over my reviews, Dilemma is a talking point in most screenplays I read from aspiring screenwriters. Dilemma is a screenwriting tool. All characters should want something which will influence their decisions out of dilemma to create conflict. Another screenwriting tool is subtext. Now the dialogue flowed, it did seem natural on the most part, but there we're a lot of exchanges where I thought that that could have been expressed visually and not in words. It wasn't off putting, it doesn't severely break the moment but maybe running a fine 'subtext' comb over the scenes would definitely fine tune them. There were a lot of questions I found myself asking during the read. If Mayella Edwards body has been found then the Lake and its Cottages become a crime scene, so why wasn't it cordoned off? Doesn't a person have to be missing for 24 hours before the police can make a case? I didn't understand why the police were so quickly on the case the next morning after the Blonde went missing. If the town is in on the Myth, and allowing it to run its course every nine years, then why are they exposing information about murders and missing people to the tourists (prey) visiting the lake? If this does happen every nine years, since 1962, then why are people still visiting this lake? Why is the lake still considered a tourist attraction? I mean, it's a graveyard really, right? The holy water, where did Sara get it? I didn't get that off the page. There is a lot of potential with this script, several rewrites and there could be a product. I enjoyed the read, the screenplay is not bad, but we live in a world where not bad doesn't cut it. But it's a starting point.

5 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
4 months ago
Undead Nation feature
Genre: Western
Dalton has everything taken from him in a single day then rides out to start over only to end up in a town under attack by possessed Indians.
5 months ago
reviews
84 pages