Damian Rzymski

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 11
Enjoys:

Short Bio

I am a writer from the UK and a student of the craft for many years. Until now I've never wanted to put my work out there but I love the craft so much and enjoy the process that I feel maybe now us the time to share; knowledge and work.

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
2 weeks ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

What is this about? I don't get it. Is this really a short story or an attempt at opening a future Bond feature? I only ask myself that question because a song by Melissa Fine is written in as an opening credit song on p4, which is one page before the script ends; that's strange for a short story. Also, the song is seems too upbeat for a Bond flick to me, although, I'm not really an expert on Bond theme tunes to have an opinion on that. Then I ask myself is this even a story because I couldn't logline it, simply because I didn't get what Bond wanted off the page. What does he want from this story? It all seemed like a random event where neither Bond or the audience get anything out of it. On the upside, there is a dilemma; Blofeld will detonate bombs all over the world if he doesn't get Bond and 10million. Thing is, Bond doesn't react to the dilemma, he just looks to M for the answer with the line "So... What should we do? Should I surrender? What's the mission?". Just by asking those questions seemed a little out of character for Bond; the reason why Bond is who he is because he can make the tough decisions that no-one else would even comprehend. Some other things that came across as out of character, for Bond, was the swearing, specifically the F-word. So I did a google search and the worst cuss word I could find was him calling Jill St. John a bitch in Diamonds are forever. I don't think swear words have a place in Bond movies, especially the F-word. Another thing about this Bond that didn't sit right with me is him killing the clown in what came across as an random act of violence. Was the clown armed? I didn't get that off the page. Does the clown have an association with Blofeld or is he someone who is going to help Bond? I didn't get that off the page either. Bottom line is, Bond isn't just going to kill someone, who could otherwise be just an innocent man, without just cause; the consequences would be dire. Also, Bond works for an intelligence agency, so even if the clown was there to kill him, I'm pretty sure Bond would want to extract information before shooting him. I believe a better understanding of the Bond character, traits/behaviours, strengths/weaknesses and flaws, would provide for a better tell. If someone is to write a Bond story then it's only right to stay true to the original creation of Flemming. Anyway, the end of the script begins to interpret this whole thing as a dream/memory like he is struggling to escape the trauma inflicted by his run ins with Blofeld. If that's the case, then okay, I kind of get the impression but I certainly didn't get it off the page. Dialogue is okay, seemed natural enough, although there were some exchanges that could have been done away with subtext, but as it stands, it wasn't distracting enough to take me out of the moment. It's difficult to measure the structure because there's no (apparent) story to weave through it, the bare bones are probably there but it just not fleshed out enough to warrant a tell. There is nothing compelling about this Bond or this story at this time. It needs a complete retool and a logline from the writer; if a writer can't tell their story in one or two sentences, then it's not worth telling.

2 weeks ago
2 reviews
5 pages

Comments

Erez
Very mature, revenge review!! You did read that it says it's not complete and I'm looking for ideas to help me think of how to continue, for theme songs, tomorrow never dies, writings on the wall, another way to die, skyfall, you know my name, do more research, plus Fleming has swears in the books, which I've been listening to, you probably only watched the movies, which I even doubt very much!!! You don't need fade out, fade in, because not all movies scripts have that!!! Your criticism was not professional at all because it was for revenge, I gave an honest review that you took to heart as an attack, which your grammar and spelling were horrendous, sorry but I am personally attacking your review, not you or you script!!! Well maybe you too!!!
reply
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
2 weeks ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
2 weeks ago
2 reviews
5 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
3 weeks ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.

A very well written story that follows the standard blueprint for a horror movie which is good because it helps the read; the most promising attribute to this screenplay was the fact that it read easy and comfortably. Some writers tend to overcook the written scene that it becomes very difficult to process; the written scenes in The Nokken were marinated well enough to visualise and interpret the action without double taking, so to speak. The Nokken mythology was convincing, I don't know if the legend is real or not, but either or, it worked. Because the story followed a specific blueprint the structure held its own but I do feel that the execution of the story and structure was lacking somewhat; and I think this may be down to the development of the characters which is why I scored this section as poor. The protagonist Sara, what does she want? What is it that's compelling her to even worry about the Nokken Myth? She is written as the girl who plays it safe, so when the murder and missing girls comes to light, I'm pretty sure she is just going to want to get the hell out of there. That's the safe option, right? So what is it that keeps her at the lake, protecting her friends, helping the authorities etc.? What does she want? If a character doesn't want something, then they are passive, they would avoid conflict and dilemma at all costs. Characters are written to face dilemma and deal with the consequences of that dilemma. Dilemma makes a characters active which creates conflict which is action. And because of the lack of dilemma in this story all the conflict between the characters, even though they may seem natural, actually came across as forced. Read over my reviews, Dilemma is a talking point in most screenplays I read from aspiring screenwriters. Dilemma is a screenwriting tool. All characters should want something which will influence their decisions out of dilemma to create conflict. Another screenwriting tool is subtext. Now the dialogue flowed, it did seem natural on the most part, but there we're a lot of exchanges where I thought that that could have been expressed visually and not in words. It wasn't off putting, it doesn't severely break the moment but maybe running a fine 'subtext' comb over the scenes would definitely fine tune them. There were a lot of questions I found myself asking during the read. If Mayella Edwards body has been found then the Lake and its Cottages become a crime scene, so why wasn't it cordoned off? Doesn't a person have to be missing for 24 hours before the police can make a case? I didn't understand why the police were so quickly on the case the next morning after the Blonde went missing. If the town is in on the Myth, and allowing it to run its course every nine years, then why are they exposing information about murders and missing people to the tourists (prey) visiting the lake? If this does happen every nine years, since 1962, then why are people still visiting this lake? Why is the lake still considered a tourist attraction? I mean, it's a graveyard really, right? The holy water, where did Sara get it? I didn't get that off the page. There is a lot of potential with this script, several rewrites and there could be a product. I enjoyed the read, the screenplay is not bad, but we live in a world where not bad doesn't cut it. But it's a starting point.

2 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
3 weeks ago
Undead Nation feature
Genre: Western
Dalton has everything taken from him in a single day then rides out to start over only to end up in a town under attack by possessed Indians.
2 months ago
reviews
84 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
1 month ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.
2 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.

A very original concept played out in a kind of Groundhog Day, Edge of Tomorrow-esque story format. And it worked enough to hook a reader. But after a while, it did seem like the concept took on a very complex form, especially after p30 which is where the story kind of lost its novelty. Because that was the point where I realised Chase was passive as a character and that he was to be pulled through the narrative by all the other characters in the story. And that was how it unfolded. So whereas, normally, stories are simple with an active protagonist, this story is way too complex with a passive protagonist. By active protagonist, they need to want something which will influence all their decisions; and anything that gets in the way of those decisions causes conflict, which is action. Chase wasn't at any time conflicted in the story, simply because it is not clear what he wants, therefore was never in the position of having to make a decision out of dilemma. So, in a nutshell, Chase was just going and dragged through the motions until he is told to cut the blue wire which doesn't make him a very compelling character to root for. What does Chase want and what is going challenge that want? Without it, how can there be a central dramatic question or any strong movements forward? The scenes were very well written, the writer has a good grasp of the English language but maybe it's been over cooked because it doesn't read well. It took me close to four hours to read this screenplay simply because interpreting the writing into pictures was a tiring process; I had to take many breaks from the read. Having said that, once I had processed the writing, the story was very visual. Extremely visual. And a great asset to have as a writer. But despite all the great visuals, I lost my way. The story led to so much confusion I really didn't know what was going on in the end. This is an admirable attempt at tackling everything the writer chose to tackle, in terms of subject matter, but it was not executed very well. Because of that, made for a questionable climax. This is the reason why I couldn't write a detailed synopsis; to be honest I struggled with it. Maybe it needs another read to fully grasp the concept, but another four hours? Defeats the object of the one page equals one minute guideline and to be honest, I'm not really compelled or motivated to face the script again. The Dialogue was good for the most part, especially from Chase and the comic relief was fitting for him. Devon came across as completely the opposite, very child like dialogue that uses the M.F. words just way too much; and he felt like a stereotype. The dialogue did move the story forward, it's just a shame that there was nothing about the characters to invoke conflict. Just like subtext, dilemma is a valuable and, in my view, an essential tool for screenwriting and should be mastered; fuel to the flames of characters facing conflict. "Simple Story, Complex Characters"; is there a better way? Is there another way?

5 months ago
1 reviews
106 pages

Screenplays

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
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Reviews

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Underwood
Feature

Rating is only available to members
9 months ago | 2 reviews | 105 pages

Bop
Short

Rating is only available to members
2 months ago | 5 reviews | 16 pages
Rating is only available to members
5 months ago | 1 reviews | 106 pages
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
James Bond plot
Rating is only available to members
2 weeks ago | 2 reviews | 5 pages
SHOW MORE

Damian Rzymski

Aspiring Screenwriter

Reviewer Rating:
Screenplays: 1
Reviews: 11
Enjoys:

Short Bio

I am a writer from the UK and a student of the craft for many years. Until now I've never wanted to put my work out there but I love the craft so much and enjoy the process that I feel maybe now us the time to share; knowledge and work.

Screenplays

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
SHOW MORE

Jed's End
Short

Draft #1 | Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Rating is only available to members
1 month ago | 4 reviews | 14 pages
SHOW MORE

Reviews

SHOW MORE

Recent Activity

A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
2 weeks ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Review Rating:
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.

What is this about? I don't get it. Is this really a short story or an attempt at opening a future Bond feature? I only ask myself that question because a song by Melissa Fine is written in as an opening credit song on p4, which is one page before the script ends; that's strange for a short story. Also, the song is seems too upbeat for a Bond flick to me, although, I'm not really an expert on Bond theme tunes to have an opinion on that. Then I ask myself is this even a story because I couldn't logline it, simply because I didn't get what Bond wanted off the page. What does he want from this story? It all seemed like a random event where neither Bond or the audience get anything out of it. On the upside, there is a dilemma; Blofeld will detonate bombs all over the world if he doesn't get Bond and 10million. Thing is, Bond doesn't react to the dilemma, he just looks to M for the answer with the line "So... What should we do? Should I surrender? What's the mission?". Just by asking those questions seemed a little out of character for Bond; the reason why Bond is who he is because he can make the tough decisions that no-one else would even comprehend. Some other things that came across as out of character, for Bond, was the swearing, specifically the F-word. So I did a google search and the worst cuss word I could find was him calling Jill St. John a bitch in Diamonds are forever. I don't think swear words have a place in Bond movies, especially the F-word. Another thing about this Bond that didn't sit right with me is him killing the clown in what came across as an random act of violence. Was the clown armed? I didn't get that off the page. Does the clown have an association with Blofeld or is he someone who is going to help Bond? I didn't get that off the page either. Bottom line is, Bond isn't just going to kill someone, who could otherwise be just an innocent man, without just cause; the consequences would be dire. Also, Bond works for an intelligence agency, so even if the clown was there to kill him, I'm pretty sure Bond would want to extract information before shooting him. I believe a better understanding of the Bond character, traits/behaviours, strengths/weaknesses and flaws, would provide for a better tell. If someone is to write a Bond story then it's only right to stay true to the original creation of Flemming. Anyway, the end of the script begins to interpret this whole thing as a dream/memory like he is struggling to escape the trauma inflicted by his run ins with Blofeld. If that's the case, then okay, I kind of get the impression but I certainly didn't get it off the page. Dialogue is okay, seemed natural enough, although there were some exchanges that could have been done away with subtext, but as it stands, it wasn't distracting enough to take me out of the moment. It's difficult to measure the structure because there's no (apparent) story to weave through it, the bare bones are probably there but it just not fleshed out enough to warrant a tell. There is nothing compelling about this Bond or this story at this time. It needs a complete retool and a logline from the writer; if a writer can't tell their story in one or two sentences, then it's not worth telling.

2 weeks ago
2 reviews
5 pages

Comments

Erez
Very mature, revenge review!! You did read that it says it's not complete and I'm looking for ideas to help me think of how to continue, for theme songs, tomorrow never dies, writings on the wall, another way to die, skyfall, you know my name, do more research, plus Fleming has swears in the books, which I've been listening to, you probably only watched the movies, which I even doubt very much!!! You don't need fade out, fade in, because not all movies scripts have that!!! Your criticism was not professional at all because it was for revenge, I gave an honest review that you took to heart as an attack, which your grammar and spelling were horrendous, sorry but I am personally attacking your review, not you or you script!!! Well maybe you too!!!
reply
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a short script
2 weeks ago
James Bond 007-Long Love Lost short
Genre: Action/Adventure,Mystery/Suspense,Drama
Bond has a wild adventure ahead of him with his arch nemesis Blofeld.
2 weeks ago
2 reviews
5 pages
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
2 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
A review was just purchased for a short script. Claim it here.
3 weeks ago
short
Genre: Thriller,Drama
A want away man has to do the unspeakable to thwart his gangster employer and save his family
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
3 weeks ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
Review Rating:
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.

A very well written story that follows the standard blueprint for a horror movie which is good because it helps the read; the most promising attribute to this screenplay was the fact that it read easy and comfortably. Some writers tend to overcook the written scene that it becomes very difficult to process; the written scenes in The Nokken were marinated well enough to visualise and interpret the action without double taking, so to speak. The Nokken mythology was convincing, I don't know if the legend is real or not, but either or, it worked. Because the story followed a specific blueprint the structure held its own but I do feel that the execution of the story and structure was lacking somewhat; and I think this may be down to the development of the characters which is why I scored this section as poor. The protagonist Sara, what does she want? What is it that's compelling her to even worry about the Nokken Myth? She is written as the girl who plays it safe, so when the murder and missing girls comes to light, I'm pretty sure she is just going to want to get the hell out of there. That's the safe option, right? So what is it that keeps her at the lake, protecting her friends, helping the authorities etc.? What does she want? If a character doesn't want something, then they are passive, they would avoid conflict and dilemma at all costs. Characters are written to face dilemma and deal with the consequences of that dilemma. Dilemma makes a characters active which creates conflict which is action. And because of the lack of dilemma in this story all the conflict between the characters, even though they may seem natural, actually came across as forced. Read over my reviews, Dilemma is a talking point in most screenplays I read from aspiring screenwriters. Dilemma is a screenwriting tool. All characters should want something which will influence their decisions out of dilemma to create conflict. Another screenwriting tool is subtext. Now the dialogue flowed, it did seem natural on the most part, but there we're a lot of exchanges where I thought that that could have been expressed visually and not in words. It wasn't off putting, it doesn't severely break the moment but maybe running a fine 'subtext' comb over the scenes would definitely fine tune them. There were a lot of questions I found myself asking during the read. If Mayella Edwards body has been found then the Lake and its Cottages become a crime scene, so why wasn't it cordoned off? Doesn't a person have to be missing for 24 hours before the police can make a case? I didn't understand why the police were so quickly on the case the next morning after the Blonde went missing. If the town is in on the Myth, and allowing it to run its course every nine years, then why are they exposing information about murders and missing people to the tourists (prey) visiting the lake? If this does happen every nine years, since 1962, then why are people still visiting this lake? Why is the lake still considered a tourist attraction? I mean, it's a graveyard really, right? The holy water, where did Sara get it? I didn't get that off the page. There is a lot of potential with this script, several rewrites and there could be a product. I enjoyed the read, the screenplay is not bad, but we live in a world where not bad doesn't cut it. But it's a starting point.

2 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
3 weeks ago
Undead Nation feature
Genre: Western
Dalton has everything taken from him in a single day then rides out to start over only to end up in a town under attack by possessed Indians.
2 months ago
reviews
84 pages
Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
1 month ago
The Nökken feature
Genre: Horror
: The Nökken is a supernatural horror story about a young woman who travels to Sweden with her two friends for vacation and must convince her friends that the demon of local legend is real and discover how to destroy it if they are to survive.
2 months ago
1 reviews
99 pages
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
1 month ago
Cut theBlue Wire feature
Genre: Thriller
Review Rating:
Maverick bomb-squad guru and avid pot-head Chase Malachi must dismantle a self replicating, psychosis inducing doomsday device that reduces entire universes to sub-atomic dust.

A very original concept played out in a kind of Groundhog Day, Edge of Tomorrow-esque story format. And it worked enough to hook a reader. But after a while, it did seem like the concept took on a very complex form, especially after p30 which is where the story kind of lost its novelty. Because that was the point where I realised Chase was passive as a character and that he was to be pulled through the narrative by all the other characters in the story. And that was how it unfolded. So whereas, normally, stories are simple with an active protagonist, this story is way too complex with a passive protagonist. By active protagonist, they need to want something which will influence all their decisions; and anything that gets in the way of those decisions causes conflict, which is action. Chase wasn't at any time conflicted in the story, simply because it is not clear what he wants, therefore was never in the position of having to make a decision out of dilemma. So, in a nutshell, Chase was just going and dragged through the motions until he is told to cut the blue wire which doesn't make him a very compelling character to root for. What does Chase want and what is going challenge that want? Without it, how can there be a central dramatic question or any strong movements forward? The scenes were very well written, the writer has a good grasp of the English language but maybe it's been over cooked because it doesn't read well. It took me close to four hours to read this screenplay simply because interpreting the writing into pictures was a tiring process; I had to take many breaks from the read. Having said that, once I had processed the writing, the story was very visual. Extremely visual. And a great asset to have as a writer. But despite all the great visuals, I lost my way. The story led to so much confusion I really didn't know what was going on in the end. This is an admirable attempt at tackling everything the writer chose to tackle, in terms of subject matter, but it was not executed very well. Because of that, made for a questionable climax. This is the reason why I couldn't write a detailed synopsis; to be honest I struggled with it. Maybe it needs another read to fully grasp the concept, but another four hours? Defeats the object of the one page equals one minute guideline and to be honest, I'm not really compelled or motivated to face the script again. The Dialogue was good for the most part, especially from Chase and the comic relief was fitting for him. Devon came across as completely the opposite, very child like dialogue that uses the M.F. words just way too much; and he felt like a stereotype. The dialogue did move the story forward, it's just a shame that there was nothing about the characters to invoke conflict. Just like subtext, dilemma is a valuable and, in my view, an essential tool for screenwriting and should be mastered; fuel to the flames of characters facing conflict. "Simple Story, Complex Characters"; is there a better way? Is there another way?

5 months ago
1 reviews
106 pages