Blaise is a script analyst and reader for Shorescripts.com, as well as consulting privately with clients including writers, directors, producers, and actors. He also read scripts for a production company in London, TheFyzz.com. He’s also an optioned and commissioned writer currently working on two shorts with two different directors.
The script delivers on the expectations of the genre in terms of action and spectacle, but to really create a good story is needs to focus on the characters, especially the protagonist, and their flaw and arc and what the script is saying through that arc. You’ve got all the ingredients for an exciting sci-fi espionage story here but the world and plot points need reordering, using the discipline of storytelling to give those moments emotional meaning.
The Script is more of a thought experiment or sketch than anything else but it's a wonderfully absurd short clinically designed to skewer the society we live in today. It illuminates many of our hypocrisies and problems and in some way links them to the future collapse of our society. It’s a fantastic original read and I hope to see it up on the screen sometime soon.
While an original premise I am concerned that this idea does not have the potential to power an entire TV series. Adding an external plot might help but the fact that his flaw can only be expressed in one way and does not naturally create any interpersonal conflict (as arrogance or control freaky does) does limit the potential story that can be generated from it.
SUPER LAME is a weird and surreal short, with some wonderfully odd moments, but it does need more development and thought to really hit home. It's god as as far as it goes but needs more. In my reading, it’s mostly the same tale as King Midas, with violence substituted for gold, and while that’s entertaining and amusing, it doesn’t add anything particularity new to the idea. I would say to really stand out it does need something more – either extend the morality tale to include an idea not previously in it or use the setup to explore an idea and story through Tired Man’s character arc.