Kenny Athelstan

Kenny A.

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KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 11 months ago

completed a review for

SVF: Reborn (Updated Draft 3) feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Comedy
Rating: 0%
This is the 3rd update. No one previously mentioned SVF's backstory? We should know something about the character we're watching. SVF is not Superman. Superman was a comic strip, a radio show, a TV show, before they made the movies. By the time the first movie was made, Superman was an icon. That first Superman movie showed the audience everything they already knew. Because the filmmakers could not guarantee this movie wouldn't be the introduction to Superman. If the viewer was a child, it probably was. Batman the same thing. All the points are retold. How did this escape you? Even if SVF backstory (I see you had the first story up) became a movie, and was a huge hit. That's all there is of it. You'd have to open Reborn with a short sequence of backstory. You're not DC or Marvel. They have specific audiences they cater to. Even they give backstory quite a bit. Past the backstory, reading through this script, you don't seem to have any grasp on screenwriting or storytelling. You should buy some books on the subject and learn. You can update this a hundred more times, and it won't get better till you understand what you're doing.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 11 months ago

just claimed a review for a script.

SVF: Reborn (Updated Draft 3) feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Horror,Comedy
Slaying demons and kicking ass are his specialty.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 11 months ago

completed a review for

Courier 12 feature
Genre: Comedy,Action/Adventure,Horror
Rating: 0%
99.99% of aspiring screenwriters write original stories. The problems in their scripts stem from not understanding characters in action. The problem with Courier 12 is you stole the story, and have the same problem. There's also punctuation and grammatical errors. Those are found in all scripts. This retelling sets you up for failure. Because you've given the reader an existing work to judge you by. To make matters worse, you tried toretell a classic. The few suggestions I'd give regarding this is - A) You took the story, now take the actions from the scenes and update them. That should help. B) Make the WOO story so hidden that most won't even know it's there. C) If you must do this: Make the reader understand Theo and Co's story analysis work. It's all centered around it, and if I didn't understand the business, I'd be lost. D) Create something original that stands on its own. My personal choice is D.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 11 months ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Courier 12 feature
Genre: Comedy,Action/Adventure,Horror
A dejected story analyst learns what it means to use your head, follow your heart and have the courage to take a worthy risk.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 1 year ago

completed a review for

TRUE LOVE IS TO DIE FOR feature
Genre: Comedy,Horror,Romance
Rating: 0%
I hope you're young and just starting out. My suggestion would be to read some books on screenwriting and start there. You open the script with a nice bloody murder, and then there's 30 pages of talking, no action. This is an anti script. A few things I'll point out. You don't add color to the formatting or bizarre fonts. It reeks unprofessional. Playwrights scripts are all dialogue. The actors are confined to the stage, and everything is presented through the dialogue. That's what you've written here. Except this is awful, unprofessional dialogue that would never make it to the stage. It wouldn't even be considered for a movie. There is not one piece of dialogue that is salvageable. Since there is no story. You need to create one. You have to create a story, and have the characters act and react. It can not just be talking. A book on screenwriting is where you need to start.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

TRUE LOVE IS TO DIE FOR feature
Genre: Comedy,Horror,Romance
When a serial killer inexplicably saves a suicidal man she intended to kill, she decides to train him into the art of being a serial killer to give his life some form of meaning.
KennyAthelstan
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

New York State of Mind feature
Genre: Crime,Mystery/Suspense,Thriller
A Midwestern woman starting her dream job in NYC, finds herself the main suspect in a killing spree, that includes her snobby co-workers.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 1 year ago

completed a review for

The Nature of Secrets feature
Genre: Drama,Romance
Rating: 7%
Action lines and dialogue combine to show a story to the reader/audience. Your actions lines are long and clunky. Your dialogue is 99% unuseable. These two combined tell an extremely dull fractured story, that unfortunately lacks any kind of imagination. A script can get away with different styles of written action if the dialogue is good, and the scenes flow, laying out a story for the viewer. This does not. Because the actions lines are bad, and the dialogue is worse, it is agony to read. An example. Near the end of the script, Lily is shocked hearing about the accident and how her father died. She goes through this monologue "Mom barely spoke of him... she'd change the subject or shut down". Idunn never spoke of Will. How about Olivia? Her Aunts? If she truly cared, she'd have found out. Because no one here has a conflict with her. Olivia gives Lily a portfolio of Will's work. "It was your father's. I've been meaning to give it to you for a while." Why didn't she? Where's Lily's excitement that this is her dead father's photos, that she's seeing for the first time? Barely turning a page, she finds the perfect photo. Just this little scene, while the thought behind the action is fine, the execution of it is forced and unnatural. There isn't one scene in this that doesn't read exactly the same. On-the-nose dialogue, where the character says exactly what's on their mind, in the most simple direct way, should be used sparingly. Your dialogue is a mixture of on-the-nose and dialogue that has place in a script. All of your characters speak exactly the same way, mundane and typical of real-life boring people. The overwhelming majority of your dialogue is forbidden in produced screenplays. This is not an easy fix screenplay. You don't seem to understand the basics of structure. Lily is your protagonist. Yet she has no conflict or goal. We should know both before we head into Act Two. My sincere advice is to read some books on screenwriting. You need to learn the basics. Rewatch some films you love. Instead of just watching, breakdown what you learn from each scene either visually or verbally. Good Luck.
KennyAthelstan
Kenny Athelstan 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

The Nature of Secrets feature
Genre: Drama,Romance
After the death of her mother, Lily learns of the star-crossed relationship between her mother and the father she never knew.