And intriguing story, but needs more, especially from the protagonist. At some point, she will need to steer the story and in the direction it needs to go. Right now, Cole seems to be the only determining factor of the situations in your script. The dynamic needs to be set forth early on, and your audience needs more direction and focus.

And intriguing story, but needs more, especially from the protagonist. At some point, she will need to steer the story and in the direction it needs to go. Right now, Cole seems to be the only determining factor of the situations in your script. The dynamic needs to be set forth early on, and your audience needs more direction and focus.

A very humorous and marketable idea, yet still in need of a cohesive story that the audience can draw from. The situations you put your characters in are funny and well-written, but they will eventually fizzle out if something isn't at stake in the lives of your characters.

Overall, it's a funny, over-the-top concept that I think audiences will appreciate. The story itself needs more dimension. If the plot and dialogue don't match the creativity of the concept, it will ultimately fall flat. There's definitely room for this script to grow.

Overall, the idea is solid and the characters are given their own situation with regard to romance and love. The central idea, however, must be nailed down and the characters must revolve around this exclusively. Exposition must be shown by actions and decisions rather than told through the character dialogue.

The main issue is grammar. I would go through the entire script and fix all of the grammatical errors first, then perhaps rewrite another version of the script with more dramatic dialogue and focus on building Sunny up, then tearing him down at the end.

Overall, a really appealing story and very marketable. I think there's a very good balance of drama and thrilling action, but I think the suspense can be engineered a little better. Yes, we know this is about demons and the inner struggle between good and evil, and there is a lot of information packed in with all the different factions in the storyline. But, I think if you're able to remove a lot of the pointless dialogue you'll have more room to write more effective scenes that build and build into great sequences that provide that suspense and keep your audience engaged

Overall, your concept is great, and I see the story here. It just needs to be retold. This takes lots of brainstorming and introspective studying of not only who your characters are on the inside, but deep down, what you are trying to say with your script. What is the central idea? To me, the central idea needs to be something like this: No matter how much horror and violence a person commits, love and human contact will always have a shot at bringing him back to Earth. Keep your central idea on your mind at all times, and never stray from it when writing your script or even outlining your story. This way, you will stick to the main point, and the action scenes and conflicts will manifest into a real solid story.