Overall, a very interesting concept. I would correct a lot of the grammar to make things read more smoothly.

Overall, this is a great premise and the universe fits well, much to the credit of well-written action descriptions. I would definitely consider holding off on her transformation until the very end of the script. That way we get a cliff-hanger that makes us want to see the next episode.

Overall, this is the right direction for your script, because the inclusion of Lily's character really brings the central idea together. If you're goingto take this flashback angle, I would use it more and craft it more carefully and in a cinematic way throughout.

You have a great concept and a solid premise for a short film. I would recommend writing down the central idea/premise of your story, and making sure that every scene revolves around that in some way. Your script should be more psychological and thought provoking, and it all comes down to the behaviors and choices of your complex character. For one thing, your audience is definitely rooting for her to overcome her problem. However, she doesn't seem too interested in overcoming her illness, so you will need to give her some sort of complex motivation to succeed in some form or another. Hope this helps and please reach out if you have any questions!

Overall, a solid spec script that is honest to the show.

Overall, a very strong script. I would recommend cutting it down to 130 pages. The only other issue is the grammatical and spelling errors. A wonderful script like this needs to be technically polished, or it will damage the script later on where the reader will not see the potential or take it as seriously. But, this is a minor issue that can easily be fixed.