overall, you have all the elements to make a great script. I would focus on using less dialogue to get your story across, but also re-structure your story and characters to make your script more of a journey filled with adversity we can see and feel, rather than just hear about through the characters

A couple of other comments: I like the subtle humor, but I think you need more. Dark humor will definitely add more to this TV series. This could be one of Eliza's redeeming traits, that she is quirk/funny. But again, Eliza needs to be redeemable. Even Walter White from Breaking Bad had some redeeming characteristics, but Eliza needs more definition and refining in your rewrite

overall, a very solid suspense/horror script. I definitely think it's worth submitting to competitions

Overall, the dialogue is the best part about your script. What I would try to do is rethink your story and base it around what YOU want your audience to leave with. In other words, what is the central idea that you want your audience to understand when watching this film? Once you figure that out, create a story from it, and make sure it has a beginning that builds and builds toward a climax, which solidifies your central idea. Here's an example. Take the film, Rocky. The central idea of Rocky is that "no matter who you are or where you come from, you can reach the top if you work hard enough". This message is solidified in the protagonist, Rocky Balboa. Why? Because screenplay takes us through his humble beginning, and every scene revolves around challenges Rocky faces, and the persistence he shows. Each scene builds toward one moment, and that moment is a world title match with Apollo Creed. The climax sends a clear message of the central idea. Your script needs to follow this formula. I hope this helps!