Just the Six of Us television

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LOGLINE: The Lubbock sisters, suddenly reunited, try to make a better future by reconnecting with their past.


Nominee Draft #4
Nominee Draft #2
Winner Draft #1


2 Reviews | 36 pages | 4 months ago | Draft 4
Just the Six of Us is intended to strike a different tone than it's predecessor; that being the late 80s cult classic Just the Ten of Us. Unlike the previous series, it's written, like most ambitious comedies nowadays, as a single-camera show. This is a calculated choice; it's to drive home the point that while these are characters from 1988, they are living very much in the present day, along with the rest of us. The family has gone through some real struggles since we've last seen them, all reuniting when they're each at rock bottom. They all find, by the end of the pilot, that what they need is to reconnect with the things that made them happy the last time they were all together; that halcyon time between '88 and 1990. Whether that's what they really need is a question that can't be answered in just 30 minutes, or even in one season.

The characters are, in essence, avatars for what a lot of people are feeling these days: that our best days are behind us, things are only going to get worse, and all we can hope for is to die on our own terms. We feel like we can, at least, alleviate the existential dread by reliving those times when last we felt hopeful, stable, and safe. That's what the main characters here will try to do, in addition to dealing with their modern, adult problems. They'll also try to fight those feelings of hopelessness, trying to believe that a better future is possible; if not for everyone, than at least for themselves.

Industry Reviews

Overall, this reads like a very honest and well-written comedy pilot. I can see this being a very solid family comedy, but I feel like the only thing missing is more concrete scenes, rather than dialogue to carry your story forward. The dialogue is certainly funny, but the situations and the actions within the scenes need to match

Peer Reviews

You have a well-structured sitcom with a clear beginning, middle, and ending. It isn't something that I would personally watch but different strokes for different folks. Other readers may think that this is their cup of tea and enjoy it. It sets up a series well with the idea that they will become a singing group. The characters are all flaky with the exception of Connie. She seems to keep things together even though her outlook on life is bleak....
Overall, this pilot is a good starting point for what the show will be. The characters are nicely outlined, although there's some polishing needed to really tell the sisters apart. When it comes to coral sitcoms, comedy relies on the differences between the characters and how they interact with each other.

I would recommend having clear background stories for the siblings and dad, as this will help integrate unique personality traits to build...
Super fun! I had a great time reading this. I think you've set everything up really well. You can easily understand the dynamics and relationships of all the characters as you're reading. Connie has a strong voice which is important for your hero. The family tensions and idea of picking up where they left off make this super relatable for most readers.

There were a few times where the dialogue felt a bit expositional, but not many! You do a g...
Once you create a story line for this episode, and we know a little about Connie before they show up. At this point, we know nothing. Once we know her, bring on the family. Everything you need is in these pages. If these were real characters, each with lives, this would be entertaining.
I didn't find myself rooting for any of the characters.

There seemed to be too many pleasantries exchanged between the characters and not enough plot.

In conclusion, I need to be up front and say I have very little experience with breaking down screen stories and writing reviews for them. In no way do I intend to come across as being overly critical for the sake of being a jerk. After re-reading my own comments, I realized there were no po...
Very interesting, well written comedy.
Connie’s change of heart - I like that the scene starts off with Connie frustrated and pushing her family away, feeling like everything has come down on her and she’s being forced to be responsible and provide for her family - you really set it up like the weight of the world is weighing on Connie’s shoulder. I like that she’s softened by reminiscing with her sisters about the good old days, and feeling heard by her sisters when she says everythi...
This reminded me of the Golden Girls and 8 Is Enough. The situations were very TV ready, and I could imagine seeing this on the small screen.

I would recommend another more experienced reader give this one a try and give the writer a more comprehensive review.

I hope my comments are helpful.

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