by Jimmy Sanders
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The writer shows great promise. The story moved along at a brisk pace and didn't overstay its welcome. The concept delivered on the goods advertised and the characters were very well described. The dialogue was exceptional and fun to read. The spelling and grammar were excellent.
Had so much fun reading this. Love the reveal that Kelly is the killer early on. That set up leaves the audience guessing motives rather than suspects, which makes for a compelling story. The twist of Natalie being involved was handled well. I was confused when initially reading Natalie's death because there was no reveal to her that it was Kelly, but I didn't expect her to be an accomplice. You set that up really well. I LOVED the duck sound effects. It cut the tension perfectly while adding another layer to the suspense AND an awesome clue. Overall I really enjoyed this. Reminded me of the slashers I know and love. I'd be curious to see a draft where Kelly was motivated by something else, maybe they caused a death or an injury to someone else she loved. Could be fun to try the story in different ways!
Entertaining and action packed with a dose of dark absurd humor. This story would be perfect for a comic book series, graphic novel, or even animated film. The writer has a great way of describing action. I would recommend this story to anyone who likes a good, twisted tale of righteous ass-kicking. Oh, and bring a mop. You're gonna need it for all the blood.
Overall, Vox Populi is a hard pass. It is a wholly unsatisfying screenplay with little to offer the reader in terms of an engaging narrative, compelling characters, or even action set pieces. I'm unsure of how it can still be this poor since we're supposedly on the 43rd draft, but that's a question for another time...
I searched this as an assignment because I saw both your scripts have extremely high ratings. It's hard to find well-written scripts on a peer review site. I fully understand why readers would find this well done. If you take the absolute basics of the story Leonard & Ruth go to a showing and there's a vandalized message on a painting, then another and another. In the end, they find out who the culprit is. That's perfect. Until you think deeper into the story and especially the characters. This is just my opinion, because you're aiming for a TV series. Your logline is "A small village with strange mysteries and stranger people." That's your pilot. I'd start with Martha's dying. Then the wake and funeral, where we'd get to meet everyone of importance in the town. Just as you set up in this script the weirdo kids throwing meat and spray painting on the town crier, with no outcome to this bizarreness, you could do the same for each of the townspeople we should get to know. Best of Luck.