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New Arrivals: Waiting For Feedback

Short
A washed-up boxing trainer finds new hope in an unlikely protege: An inflatable bop clown.

Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

TV Series
Five young, starving, artist, roomies trying to ‘make it’ without killing each other in the process.

Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

Short
A man scatters his apartment looking for something important.

Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

Trending

Recent Activity

Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
2 minutes ago
What We Did That Summer feature
Genre: Drama
Three 12 year-old boys get lost while camping in the woods and must put aside their differences to find their way home the hard way while also learning about friendship, survival, and growing up.
2 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
40 minutes ago
KEY TO PARADISE feature
Genre: Action/Adventure
Review Rating: 2.25
One man must save the world to save himself.

The concept is very original which is a breath of fresh air and the story was okay, although the narrative was left to interpretation and not actually taken off the page. Some of my written summary was improvised in order to make sense of the story which might not be the interpretation of the writer. There were a lot of elements left to question that doesn't really sit well, for example, why were the children left to fend for themselves after their mother was killed? The narrative completely abandoned them, the oldest child is eight years old, and I don't think they would make it in this run down world on their own. What happened to the other 2 partners that were selected for this mission? The narrative abandoned them too. If Boyd's tech could easily find Ivanovitch DNA signature, why send Kane and Kip to apprehend him? Wouldn't Johnson just send someone more loyal to the cause? Why didn't the Special Unit just take everyone in at the time when they took Kip? Because at that moment none of them, but Boyd, knew of Johnson's true plans, so why would they refuse to give Ivanovitch up when it is there job to bring him in? Why does Ivanovitch have the key? Who is this man? I found myself asking questions like this throughout the entire story. When it comes to structure, I have to assume that the story wasn't outlined because structurally the story wasn't hitting the beats properly, if at all. It was very wishy washy because nothing was happening at crucial signposts of a screenplay, which usually introduces a new dilemma for the protagonist. A dilemma is where a person has a choice between two or more circumstances where the consequences are equal. Damned if you do, damned if you don't type of choices. This story lacked in that department. Also, I got lost in the logistics from time to time, not knowing when the story is on Earth and when on the Moon. Aside from Johnson, all characters can across as passive because I didn't know what they wanted so it made it difficult for me to root for them. It felt like they got on a rollercoast ride, went through the loops and turns, then got off the rollercoast feeling no different; simply because they had no reason to go on the rollercoater in the first place. Also is Kane's name an alias? There's a biblical reference to his name as a Cain and Abel. Thing is, all people are born innocent to the world so I find it hard to believe that his parents name their child after these people, predicting that he would grow up and become a man in conflict with himself. Doesn't make sense to me. Finally dialogue. It lacks subtext from start to finish. The character were just saying what they were thinking and every exchange in conversation came across as unnatural. There's a lot of formatting issues, I don't know what software you use but I would recommend final draft if you can afford the licence or FadeIn which you can write your screenplay for free, only costs when you want to publish out from the software. I know this comes across as extremely objective but I'm sure that's why you've put this story up for review.

7 months ago
3 reviews
133 pages
Harry Kane just joined ScriptMother!
8 hours ago
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a television screenplay
10 hours ago
Unicorgi - Untold Episode of "Gravity Falls" Written by Alex Hirsch tv series
Genre: Animation
Mabel tries to cheer Dipper up by going on an adventure with Soos.
10 hours ago
reviews
28 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a television screenplay
10 hours ago
The Remnants - Collaboration tv series
Genre: Action/Adventure
Set in the Antarctic, scientists investigating global warming receive news about a virus pandemic, shutting down all services. Now trapped on this glacial desert, the crew must come to terms that their once normal mission has turned into one of survival.
10 hours ago
reviews
64 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
TDI - That Darn Intervention short
Genre: Comedy
When a man walks into an intervention.
11 hours ago
reviews
4 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Tainted short
Genre: Drama
Another day in London another bloody corpse.
11 hours ago
reviews
29 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Shackle short
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
A young pirate boy is wrongfully accused
11 hours ago
reviews
12 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Rita short
Genre: Animation
Just another day in the convenience store takes an inconvenient turn.
11 hours ago
reviews
6 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Claws short
Genre: Animation
A raccoon gets his life changed when he helps a pet find a new home.
11 hours ago
reviews
10 pages

New Arrivals: Waiting For Feedback

Short
A washed-up boxing trainer finds new hope in an unlikely protege: An inflatable bop clown.
Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

TV Series
Five young, starving, artist, roomies trying to ‘make it’ without killing each other in the process.
Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

Short
A man scatters his apartment looking for something important.
Credits Claim Review
133 Pages

Trending

KEY TO PARADISE
Feature
By Janet Swainston
One man must save the world to save himself.
Rating is only available to members

7 months ago | 3 Reviews | 133 Pages

Misty River
TV Series
By Tyke Spaide
Get ready, to jump into the exciting life of 15 year old River Lincoln. Starting out at a new high school can be hard enough but when bumping into the school's bully on the the first day, River's life becomes extremely tempestuous. Will he be able to survive at his new school?
Rating is only available to members

2 months ago | 1 Reviews | 47 Pages

Identity crisis
Short
By Chukwuma Amobi
A transgender makes a suicide video after going through sexual and emotional abuse.
Rating is only available to members

2 weeks ago | 2 Reviews | 25 Pages

Recent Activity

Damian Rzymski just claimed a review for a feature script
2 minutes ago
What We Did That Summer feature
Genre: Drama
Three 12 year-old boys get lost while camping in the woods and must put aside their differences to find their way home the hard way while also learning about friendship, survival, and growing up.
2 months ago
3 reviews
88 pages
Damian Rzymski completed a review for
40 minutes ago
KEY TO PARADISE feature
Genre: Action/Adventure
Review Rating: 2.25
One man must save the world to save himself.

The concept is very original which is a breath of fresh air and the story was okay, although the narrative was left to interpretation and not actually taken off the page. Some of my written summary was improvised in order to make sense of the story which might not be the interpretation of the writer. There were a lot of elements left to question that doesn't really sit well, for example, why were the children left to fend for themselves after their mother was killed? The narrative completely abandoned them, the oldest child is eight years old, and I don't think they would make it in this run down world on their own. What happened to the other 2 partners that were selected for this mission? The narrative abandoned them too. If Boyd's tech could easily find Ivanovitch DNA signature, why send Kane and Kip to apprehend him? Wouldn't Johnson just send someone more loyal to the cause? Why didn't the Special Unit just take everyone in at the time when they took Kip? Because at that moment none of them, but Boyd, knew of Johnson's true plans, so why would they refuse to give Ivanovitch up when it is there job to bring him in? Why does Ivanovitch have the key? Who is this man? I found myself asking questions like this throughout the entire story. When it comes to structure, I have to assume that the story wasn't outlined because structurally the story wasn't hitting the beats properly, if at all. It was very wishy washy because nothing was happening at crucial signposts of a screenplay, which usually introduces a new dilemma for the protagonist. A dilemma is where a person has a choice between two or more circumstances where the consequences are equal. Damned if you do, damned if you don't type of choices. This story lacked in that department. Also, I got lost in the logistics from time to time, not knowing when the story is on Earth and when on the Moon. Aside from Johnson, all characters can across as passive because I didn't know what they wanted so it made it difficult for me to root for them. It felt like they got on a rollercoast ride, went through the loops and turns, then got off the rollercoast feeling no different; simply because they had no reason to go on the rollercoater in the first place. Also is Kane's name an alias? There's a biblical reference to his name as a Cain and Abel. Thing is, all people are born innocent to the world so I find it hard to believe that his parents name their child after these people, predicting that he would grow up and become a man in conflict with himself. Doesn't make sense to me. Finally dialogue. It lacks subtext from start to finish. The character were just saying what they were thinking and every exchange in conversation came across as unnatural. There's a lot of formatting issues, I don't know what software you use but I would recommend final draft if you can afford the licence or FadeIn which you can write your screenplay for free, only costs when you want to publish out from the software. I know this comes across as extremely objective but I'm sure that's why you've put this story up for review.

7 months ago
3 reviews
133 pages
Harry Kane just joined ScriptMother!
8 hours ago
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a television screenplay
10 hours ago
Unicorgi - Untold Episode of "Gravity Falls" Written by Alex Hirsch tv series
Genre: Animation
Mabel tries to cheer Dipper up by going on an adventure with Soos.
10 hours ago
reviews
28 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a television screenplay
10 hours ago
The Remnants - Collaboration tv series
Genre: Action/Adventure
Set in the Antarctic, scientists investigating global warming receive news about a virus pandemic, shutting down all services. Now trapped on this glacial desert, the crew must come to terms that their once normal mission has turned into one of survival.
10 hours ago
reviews
64 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
TDI - That Darn Intervention short
Genre: Comedy
When a man walks into an intervention.
11 hours ago
reviews
4 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Tainted short
Genre: Drama
Another day in London another bloody corpse.
11 hours ago
reviews
29 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Shackle short
Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
A young pirate boy is wrongfully accused
11 hours ago
reviews
12 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Rita short
Genre: Animation
Just another day in the convenience store takes an inconvenient turn.
11 hours ago
reviews
6 pages
Juantélique Krüger uploaded a short screenplay
11 hours ago
Claws short
Genre: Animation
A raccoon gets his life changed when he helps a pet find a new home.
11 hours ago
reviews
10 pages