Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
1 Reviews |
115 pages |
6 years ago
|
Draft 1
Mason Washington has his small group of friends (Larry, Johnny, Tommy, and hope-to-be-girlfriend Mandy) supporting him and his dreams, but he feels like he needs more. He tries to spend his summer making a name for himself but with the constant trouble from his father, jocks, and hope-to-be-girlfriend psycho father - it will be harder than he thinks.
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Basically, I feel this is a very good first draft. There’s some strong ideas here, but they get undermined by clunky dialogue, and some typos. I try to be specific to the text, and quote it as much as possible to let you see your own errors.
Mason’s parents’ scene, when Katherine confronts her husband, sounds like a computer wrote it. His mom is defending her son, but she just says in rote what happened. What she is accusing him of is child a...
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