I must say, your sense of story is really good. I was not bored reading this short piece. But you write the script like a director. Unless you are actually directing the short I suggest you take out all of those camera angles and leave it up to the Director. But it does show that you know exactly what you want and how the shots should be direct, the production of the piece is firmly in your head. But reading the script is not so immersive because...
The spirit of a murdered girl, angry at a Detective’s failure to bring her killer to justice, holds the man’s wife hostage in an attempt to force him to exact her revenge on the killer, while he must find a way to save his wife without losing his own soul.
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