I'll just go over my thoughts in chronological order as I read your script. (I enjoyed it by the way)
1ST PAGE
- Good character intro and description, immediately paints a clear first impression of who Darius is
- Intriguing situation to start off in, following a trail, searching for a phone… (his own maybe ?)
- (OS), Offscreen or over the shoulder? It’s just a detail but the formatting is wrong, not very clear
- The segment where Darius...
Ben comes to the Fast Lane bowling alley everyday after school, partly because he idolizes amateur bowler, Jenny "The Comet" Cornell, and partly to escape some dark past.
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