Never write a script like a novel. When I write my books I write them with details, but in a script no. You lose the reader and audience. Nobody wants a long drawn script. If Jack is coming in the house, just say that. No need to put that Jack went passed a sofa or almost fell. Get to the details .
The chase scene across the savannah was a great hook. Who is the boy running from? Why are they chasing him? The fact that the pursuers are in a hovercraft told me this is a Syfy future story. The switch to AKUJI, WIFE, SON, and DAUGHTER was a nice transition until on page 2 Ayo, the boy was inserted into the story suddenly. I wondered why it was flowing smoothly until that moment. Is this the boy from the beginning of the story or the son of Aku...
Lord Malcolm continues to capture Jedi from across the galaxy which causes Master Oscar and his Padawan Connor to go into hiding on the Planet Soiven. Meanwhile Master Marc Kena and his Padawan Chelsea Wilson search for the ancient Jedi and Sith scriptures before the Empire finds them
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