I must say, your sense of story is really good. I was not bored reading this short piece. But you write the script like a director. Unless you are actually directing the short I suggest you take out all of those camera angles and leave it up to the Director. But it does show that you know exactly what you want and how the shots should be direct, the production of the piece is firmly in your head. But reading the script is not so immersive because...
A college student is forced to take 8:00 AM classes for the first time in his life. He soon learns, however, that the consequences of sleep deprivation are far more serious than he could have ever imagined.
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