Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
10 pages |
2 years ago
|
Draft 1
John keeps dreaming of this creature that he can't seem to get out of his mind. One day at a coffee shop, he sees Carol, and his dreams and life change. He happens to run into Carol, resulting in them blossoming into a relationship. But as secrets emerge, Carol holds on to the one she should tell John.
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Peer Reviews
Work on really outlining what your story is maybe expand the script to longer than 10 pages, remove any unnecessary bulk and improve your characters. Also I highly recommend you invest in a better screenwriting software and check your spelling and grammar mistakes.
Top Reviewer
There are some interesting ideas in here and it has the makings of potentially a good love story. But the writer really needs to focus on John's character arc and develop Carol's illness a bit more. The ending falls completely flat because of those two aspects.
The writer also needs to give John and Carol more to do together. A couple casual dates does not equal a strong relationship. The marriage proposal comes quick and out of nowhere becau...
Top Reviewer
