Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
3 Reviews |
52 pages |
5 months ago
|
Draft 1
The pilot rolls out an introduction to the members of the Kobe community. Cops, business owners, drug dealers, junkies, and a spider that feeds on the blood of a willing human hand.
Industry Reviews
Overall, a very strong and action-filled story. The violence is great, and you don't hold back. This is a hue plus, but I think the story needs more focus, and you need to come full circle with it in your pilot. This isn't to say that your pilot needs to reveal everything. Quite the opposite. The TV pilot is a jump off point for the characters and the world of your script. So there needs to be a spark that shows us what journey we, the audience,...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
I kind of feel bad for Leroy at the beginning of the story. Sure, he's a lowlife junkie, but damn did they do a number on him. The use of drugs is very prevalent throughout the whole story and is done in a believable way. The only criticism I could have about this script would be that a few spots toward the beginning had a little too much description. Which, I know, probably sounds strange as that is the point to perfectly describe the scenes, bu...
Top Reviewer
