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#Action/Adventure #Sci-Fi/Fantasy #Mystery/Suspense

LOGLINE: A trio of mercenaries investigate a secret organisation turning young women into invincible assassins while a former rockstar tries to rescue his sister from the cult's clutches, eventually joining forces in order to destroy the evil syndicate behind the conspiracy.


Winner Draft #4


0 Reviews | 116 pages | 4 months ago | Draft 37
In the 21st Century, a trio of soldiers of fortune known as the Rhodium Golems – sympathetic pilot-cum-computer hacker Vincenzo Corbucci, pragmatic rifleman and ex-Spetsnaz officer Nikolai Rostavili, and Machiavellian medic and former Gendarme Daisuke Kasai – uncover a dark secret when they awaken ex-assassin Sakura Noguchi from cryogenic stasis during a routine scavenging mission.

In a parallel storyline, prog-rock musician Erik Drakenberg tries to rescue his younger sister Lovisa from a mysterious organisation known as the 5 Elements, who use her as a test subject in a controversial experiment to create the ultimate warrior called Project Athena – aiding him in his mission is the cabal's heiress Helia Salibi.

Thanks to the former hitwoman and aided by a hologram simulation of deceased intelligence operative Alejandro Rojas, the three mercenaries travel the globe to find out more about the 5 Elements and to rescue Lovisa from whatever fate lies in store for her…

Industry Reviews

The script delivers on the expectations of the genre in terms of action and spectacle, but to really create a good story is needs to focus on the characters, especially the protagonist, and their flaw and arc and what the script is saying through that arc. You’ve got all the ingredients for an exciting sci-fi espionage story here but the world and plot points need reordering, using the discipline of storytelling to give those moments emotional me...

Peer Reviews

Overall I would rate your screenplay a 8.5/10. As far as structure, everything is on point, the action, character, dialogue, etc. I also liked how you did subtle things like italicizing to show highlight subtiltles. The script definitely flows well and with the main characters and side characters I believe everyone gets equal screentime here. One thing I might add, is that considering Erik is one of the main characters its good to see him drive t...
There are many more positives than negatives in this review. The negatives are not critical and can be solved. I liked the international flavor with scenes presented all over the world. All characters are strong and well developed. At first, I was put off by the sub-titles, but I eventually understood them to enforce the international aspect of this story. The following points are detailed, referring to specific pages and concerns. In creating s...

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