Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #1
Summary
1 Reviews |
2 pages |
4 years ago
|
Draft 1
A man and a woman are having a seemingly pleasant dinner. The drinks are brought out and everything seems fine until the man collapses.
DISCLAIMER: I'm currently just experimenting, trying to tell a story within two pages...
DISCLAIMER: I'm currently just experimenting, trying to tell a story within two pages...
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Peer Reviews
Interesting concept for a short. I would like to know more about the protagonist's motives leading to the twist and it's not entirely clear how he was able to achieve it, with a third party delivering drinks that could have been prepared in the moment. The twist, however, does work well.
A few specific notes: The first narration upon return from the restroom is of no use and it could be better served to simply follow him from the bathroom t...
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