ScriptMother - Dale Morgan

Wanna See

feature

On another world, a young girl trains to be part of the planet's unique transportation system, where she uses a hang glider to help pull airships forward in a world that hasn't invented propellers. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)

Approved

Nominee
Draft #3

Peer Rating: N/A

Industry Rating: N/A

Draft 4: 27%

Draft 3: 47%

0 Reviews | 104 pages | 3 months ago | Draft 12

##sci-fi ##children ##family ##animation

In another world a young Tatana learn about how to fly a hang glider and becomes friends with two local boys. She makes her own kite and learns of how dangerous job is. The boys have their own adventures with relationships that put a strain on their lives.

Industry

A young girl wants to follow her dream to become a flier and be a part of the Air Guild

Overall, this was a solid read and I enjoyed reading it. With some revising from what I've noted above, I think this script will become really great. Good luck!

4 months ago | read more...

Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer

I know you said not to spare your feelings, and I have a lot to say... so please read all my comments. I have many things to say that will very likely help you.

#1... find a way to get an archetypal conflict into this script, then resolve it without closure.

This will allow you to adapt this into a serial, like a TV show or limited series. You have A LOT going for the world building you've established, but you haven't delved into literally ANY of it. A serial would be much better given the way you pace your character interactions.

I feel like this may be WAY better as a TV show than a movie....

6 months ago | read more...

Stuart Haag Top Reviewer

Animated script is well written but slow paced and predictable

Overall, this was a decent animated kids script. If anything, I would mainly focus on rewriting the scenes to where the script can flow more easily and be faster paced to keep people's attention and avoid tedium. Good luck with your future revisions!

9 months ago | read more...

Cyle Brooks Top Reviewer

Compelling concept which requires a few touch-ups...

Overall this is the seed of a pretty compelling story. So far, it's mediocre at best but it has multiple elements I really like. I highly recommend working on your character development and dialogue, to really get this script going. Other than that, it was a fun read and I look forward to what comes next.

9 months ago | read more...

Marlon Schwiersch Top Reviewer

Protagonist needs to be more proactive in trying to reach her goal.

Overall, I think the concept is interesting. However, I feel the plot needs to concentrate more on the protagonist proactively trying to reach her goal.

9 months ago | read more...

Kathleen Hof