Dale Morgan

Dale M.

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Scripts
15
Reviews
16
Scripts
feature
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On another world, a young girl trains to be part of the planet's unique transportation system, where she uses a hang glider to help pull airships forward in a world that hasn't invented propellers. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)
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Don't trust Grandma.
television
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Who need nine when there is a TEN
Reviews
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DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 11 months ago

completed a review for

Vox Populi feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Thriller
Rating: 33%
You have a script that is very difficult to read. I know I'm supposed to read the whole script but after page 18 I didn't care about the characters. Page 2: "A third unidentified voice complete with filter speaks up, female this time." I would tighten this up by just: Filtered FEMALE voice. and change "UNKNOWN VOICE #3 (V.O.)" to FEMALE VOICE (V.O.) Your writing a script that is going to be read by the lazy. Try to keep it, quick and to the point. Page 3: "A sci-fi-looking metropolis now stands where the old city once stood," How do you film this? How does the audience know that the new city is on top of the old? Try something like: A sci-fi-looking metropolis stands in the center of a burned out and rundown buildings. "this is Italian computer wizard"??? How do you film this? This is the second time I have caught this mistake. From now on it gets a NAB for NOT A BOOK. "He can feel his eyes narrow and his teeth clench." NAB "He barges into the office" Who barges in? Page 4: "Enrico nods in understanding" NAB Should be "Enrico nods" "Enrico tries to smile" NAB I don't of any actor who can "tries to smile." OPENING TITLE SEQUENCE OVER ”LAND OF CONFUSION” MONTAGE ??? What does the Montage look like? Page 11: "Mikhail tries to restrain his anger" NAB "Unknown to either one of them" NAB Page 12: "wolf-whistling" Who wolf-whistles at a picture? Page 13: "Enrico thinks it over" NAB "INT./EXT." Pick one. Page 14: shorter man Asian (in appearance) and sporting spectacles - Unnecessary. It's extra info that is obvious. this is his former mentor NAB 80s club music can be heard from afar - No, "80s club music in the background." A Latin woman is present to greet them - No, " A Latin woman greets them. You have "The two met sit before each other, drinking sake." Then later in the same page "Elena nods understandingly and replies in the affirmative in Spanish as Enrico and Satoshi sit down." - Make up your mind, are the sitting in the first page or not. Page 15: ENRICO I’m sorry, I’m not sure if I understand. - Just about Satoshi speaks in Japanese. So is Enrico responding in Japanese or English? Satoshi squeezes a Japanese stress ball - where did the ball come from? It should be in the description of Satoshi. Enrico is (clearly)-remove annoyed and (even)-remove disturbed by Satoshi’s (behavior)-remove as he downs his cup of sake in a single swig (out of sheer defiance for his former sensei. NAB)-remove. Should read: Enrico is annoyed and disturbed by Satoshi’s behaviour as he downs his cup of sake in a single swig. You have a lot of this in your script. I just picked on this one. Page 16: his former protégé NAB masking his hurt feelings. NAB

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Vox Populi feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Sci-Fi/Fantasy,Thriller
In a cyberpunk post-Brexit Britain, a jaded, cynical cop and a freedom fighter with a vision become embroiled in a clandestine conspiracy involving a pair of warring factions competing for control of the former United Kingdom, and with it, the world.

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Flyer feature
Genre: Animation
On another world, a young girl trains to be part of the planet's unique transportation system, where she uses a hang glider to help pull airships forward in a world that hasn't invented propellers. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just claimed a review for a script.

IN PLAIN SIGHT feature
Genre: Action/Adventure,Comedy
A Private Investigator-turned-CIA asset must take the reins on an investigation when the agent in charge becomes an amnesiac so that they can free the agent's captive daughter and stop a worldwide banking catastrophe that could lead to WWIII

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Flyer feature
Genre: Animation
On another world, a young girl trains to be part of the planet's unique transportation system, where she uses a hang glider to help pull airships forward in a world that hasn't invented propellers. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Flyer feature
Genre: Animation
After being thrust into the strict Air Guild community, a timid girl must adapt and learn quickly to earn her Flyer status. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Flyer feature
Genre: Animation
After being thrust into the strict Air Guild community, a timid girl must adapt and learn quickly to earn her Flyer status. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)

DaleMorgan
Dale Morgan 1 year ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Flyer feature
Genre: Animation
After being thrust into the strict Air Guild community, a timid girl must adapt and learn quickly to earn her Flyer status. ( Reviewers, be nitpicky. I want the best script, my feeling be dammed.)