I ran out of time to do a full read of the script. Try adding more time for reviews.
1) You dialog is unrealistic. I do not read scripts, I put them in a text to speech program and listen to the script. You need to do the same. Close you eyes and hear the voices. Do they sound different? Is everyone using the same words? Are you putting in exposition instead of dialog?
2) You have people going into someone back yard and trying to start a r...
Joe Perkins sets himself up in a new neighbourhood, after making friends, he learns that the locals are up to something rather sinister, and Joe is all part of it.
A sheriff dealing with a horrible tragedy has to find a strength she never knew she had when a man in black comes to town and hunts the true heir of the Excalibur.
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