DentaBleach short

Interesting concept but I wouldn't go so far as to call this a comedy. I don't know much on how to write comedies but I know what I find funny and this, I'm afraid, didn't do it for me.

There is no clear story structure, no pay off. Your biggest joke is told right at the beginning and then you roll on the same gag for the entire time. You lose your audience very quick as they know what is about to happen; somebody drinks the mouthwash and die...