In the gritty landscape of South Chicago, Edris Johnson, a troubled teenager entangled in the dangerous web of drugs and crime, experiences a life-altering journey when he encounters a mysterious Old Homeless Man preaching repentance. Edris's path to redemption is fraught with challenges, leading him to a spiritual awakening that transforms not only his life but also those around him.
Overall, once the characters are reworked to fit the core theme of the story and the structure is reworked to disable the crosscutting to flashbacks improve the pacing with dialogue that fits how the character would naturally talk in that scenario based on their uniqueness while not being forced to artificially blurt out lines of dialogue for the audience's benefit.
Spiritual Awakening is an apt title for the story that it tells. Edris is a troubled young man too close to real trouble to not get sucked in. His journey from petty criminal to follower of Christ is told well, despite minor issues. However, I think it would be difficult to pitch the contrasting themes of the story.
Overall, this story is well-crafted, but some specific elements are done poorly and decrease the general quality. I might be wrong, but there's room for improvement. Keep what you have done adequately and fix what needs adjustments. You're halfway there!
SCORE BREAKDOWN:
A. Based on the overall elements:
Story: Good
Concept: Fair
Structure: Poor
Character development: Fair
Dialogue: Poor
When a high level black excutive is hired racism ensues. After he is falsly charged with embezlment he turns the tables on the company. He uncovers almost 18 million dollars in funds stolen funds from the nations police departments.
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