AND THEEEEEERRRRRRRR.........OFF feature
#Comedy
By
Kathleen
Hof
When a mob boss uses dangerous methods to fix horse races on Derby Day, a corny joke telling handicapper, executing his own safe cheating scheme, battles to turn some asinine cheats against the mob enforcer before the horses he loves are hurt.
Awards
Approved
Nominee Draft #2
Winner Draft #1
Summary
2 Reviews |
93 pages |
9 months ago
|
Draft 2
It's Derby Day at the Horse Track. In celebration of the big day, there's a pick four contest with a one million dollar prize.
Horseface Tony, mob boss, is a big horse fan. He also likes money. So, he orders his enforcer, Steven The Hoof, to fix some races and win the contest.
Coincidentally, Craig, handicapper riding a major losing streak, leads a plan with his two best friends, to also fix the most difficult race and win the million bucks.
Despite Craig's grey area regarding cheating, he's a lovable sexagenarian who loves to tell the corniest horse jokes. He also has a soft spot for the horses. He's always buying them toys and contributing to the Retired Race Horse Charity run by his love interest, Miranda. He believes the horses gave him thousands of hours of racing fun so he shouldn't abandon them when they're put out to pasture. His race fixes are always safe for the horses like the Bell Ringer cheat, Hold Back Cheat, substitution cheat and out of the money cheat.
While fixing his own races, Craig learns Steven The Hoof has set into motion cheats that will hurt the horses. He plans to dope the horses, miss shoe them, milkshake them, and shock them.
Craig can't allow his beloved horses to be harmed. In addition, often when a horse is hurt, the Jockey is hurt. So, Craig battles Stephen The Hoof to stop the harmful cheats.
Since this is a comedy, Craig's methods hilariously turn the cheats back on Stephen The Hoof.
Ultimately, after a nail-biting objection in the final race, Craig wins the million-dollar prize in addition to super high win, exacta and trifecta bets. He uses his massive winnings to help the Retired Horse Charity managed by Miranda, a relationship that finally made it to the finish line on Derby Day.
Wealthy, happy his beloved horses are safe and romantically fulfilled, Craig's only angst is over Steven The Hoof's next foray into harming his horses. Luckily, that will not be a problem. Apparently, Horseface Tony is Miranda's brother. The brother she gave up her life dreams to raise and he will do anything for her.
Horseface Tony, mob boss, is a big horse fan. He also likes money. So, he orders his enforcer, Steven The Hoof, to fix some races and win the contest.
Coincidentally, Craig, handicapper riding a major losing streak, leads a plan with his two best friends, to also fix the most difficult race and win the million bucks.
Despite Craig's grey area regarding cheating, he's a lovable sexagenarian who loves to tell the corniest horse jokes. He also has a soft spot for the horses. He's always buying them toys and contributing to the Retired Race Horse Charity run by his love interest, Miranda. He believes the horses gave him thousands of hours of racing fun so he shouldn't abandon them when they're put out to pasture. His race fixes are always safe for the horses like the Bell Ringer cheat, Hold Back Cheat, substitution cheat and out of the money cheat.
While fixing his own races, Craig learns Steven The Hoof has set into motion cheats that will hurt the horses. He plans to dope the horses, miss shoe them, milkshake them, and shock them.
Craig can't allow his beloved horses to be harmed. In addition, often when a horse is hurt, the Jockey is hurt. So, Craig battles Stephen The Hoof to stop the harmful cheats.
Since this is a comedy, Craig's methods hilariously turn the cheats back on Stephen The Hoof.
Ultimately, after a nail-biting objection in the final race, Craig wins the million-dollar prize in addition to super high win, exacta and trifecta bets. He uses his massive winnings to help the Retired Horse Charity managed by Miranda, a relationship that finally made it to the finish line on Derby Day.
Wealthy, happy his beloved horses are safe and romantically fulfilled, Craig's only angst is over Steven The Hoof's next foray into harming his horses. Luckily, that will not be a problem. Apparently, Horseface Tony is Miranda's brother. The brother she gave up her life dreams to raise and he will do anything for her.
Industry Reviews
Overall, it's a great story and a fun crowd-pleaser, but it's missing the sort of character arc that we all subconsciously need to experience as an audience. In order to do this, you have to give your character a "point A" within himself, and allow his journey within these few hours take him through a lifetime of change to get him to a "point B". It can be very difficult to do this successfully, but you have a solid protagonist who's journey alre...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
A very well written story that had some humorous moments. The knowledge sprinkled out throughout the story of horse knowledge and lingo was impressive. Definitely did a nice job bringing that to life. The weaving plan of fixing the horse races for each one was engaging and interesting. Great story.
Top Reviewer
I've seen scripts from friends in my screenwriting community, as well as those made publicly available, and I have to say that this is one of the most well-written, well-formatted scripts I have ever seen. Keep up with the good work. I can tell you've done a lot of work to refine your script into something this polished, and although I can't see the first draft, this draft is clean and professional. Thank you for letting me review, "And Theeeeeee...
Top Reviewer
First of all, credit to the writer for choosing a not-so-common backdrop. Not everybody is familiar with betting and horse races. The story is written in such a way that the reader has no problem understanding the way everything works.
The dialogues deserve full credit. Excellent work here. The jokes are, especially, well thought out.
As a story, it is quite predictable. A suggestion here. Trying a non-linear approach might help.
Craig's...
Top Reviewer
