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Men Without Women short

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#Drama

By Marlon Schwiersch

A look into the day-to-day life of a Berlin stripper, as she deals with weird customers, rising rent, and an ever-growing bloodlust...

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2 Reviews | 21 pages | 3 months ago | Draft 1
#drama #murder #stripper
Ash is a stripper in Berlin. At night she deals with creepy men and women, and in the day she struggles to keep her rent payments. As both her work and daily life affect her mental health, she discovers a hidden taste for blood...

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The writer understands the story world. The dialogue is clever. But I couldn't find a goal for the protagonist or an arc.
I think there's a story inside the writer's mind, but it hasn't come out with clarity yet. This script doesn't put a challenge in front of the protagonist that requires her to develop and solve. The events in her life would frustrate anyone, but she didn't reacting to the events until she commits a murder with no apparent planning. What's the resolution after the murder?
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Top Reviewer
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A visually confident, tonally assured script from an emerging writer that becomes truly compelling once its narrative tension is tightened.
This script demonstrates a writer with strong cinematic instincts and natural tone control. It reads visually rather than literarily, which immediately sets it apart from most early scripts. The atmosphere is confident, the protagonist is compelling through her emotional opacity, and the violence is handled with notable restraint — all signals of an emerging writer who already understands how film communicates beyond dialogue. Where the script ne...
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