Drew Langhart

Drew L.

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2
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1
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short

Simon Draft #2

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A closeted bisexual man struggles with living an honest, married life. Based on true events.
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DrewLanghart
Drew Langhart 2 years ago

just purchased a review. Claim it here

Simon short
Genre: Drama
A closeted bisexual man struggles with living an honest, married life. Based on true events.
DrewLanghart
Drew Langhart 2 years ago

completed a review for

Astral Planes IV: Blue feature
Genre: Comedy,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Rating: 27%
Thanks for letting me review your script. First of all, the journey was fun between Trev and God. The format of the script is off, so reading wise it's hard to follow. There were a lot of typos, which also made it hard to follow. Overall, you have some funny parts. They kept me going. However, the dialogue is really obvious and on the nose most of the time. Consider going back and only having the characters say what's needed to add value or move the story. There are a lot of redundancies as well. It's good to bring jokes back, in a pattern of sorts, but they were the same punch line over and over. See my comments within the script. As for the characters, I didn't find much of a difference in the characteristics or character journey. Try to make them all unique and have a path they're all going down. They all need their own voice. We should be able to read the script, not seeing who is saying what, but still know because their voice is clear. Not related to the story, but is this a short film intended to be produced? Based on your format, I couldn't tell if it was a screenplay or not. If so, there is a lot of 'pricy' things within the script. Now, if you're just looking to write, to write - I like the trains and dragons and all. Just food for thought. Overall, it was a fun journey, but I recommend working on formatting, structure, and character voice.
DrewLanghart
Drew Langhart 2 years ago

just claimed a review for a script.

Astral Planes IV: Blue feature
Genre: Comedy,Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Festival Hall Give me a Shot
DrewLanghart
Drew Langhart 2 years ago

uploaded a script.

Simon short
Genre: Drama
A closeted bisexual man struggles with living an honest, married life. Based on true events.
DrewLanghart
Drew Langhart 2 years ago

just joined ScriptMother!