Neighbor Watch feature
#Mystery/Suspense #Comedy #Crime
Suburban residents form a Neighborhood Watch after a string of burglaries and watch more of each other than the neighborhood.
Awards
Approved
Winner Draft #1
Summary
5 Reviews |
90 pages |
5 months ago
|
Draft 1
A recent string of burglaries prompts suburban residents to attempt to form a neighborhood watch instead of paying for expensive security, strongly recommended by the homeowner’s association, but end up watching each other more than they watch the neighborhood.
This is a first draft that needs some work. Please review with care. Thank you.
This is a first draft that needs some work. Please review with care. Thank you.
Industry Reviews
Overall, this was a pretty fun script to read and I hope my feedback will be helpful for future revisions. Good luck!
Top Reviewer
Overall, a very excellent idea for a movie. Again, the big challenge is giving the story more of a focus, and I mention this more in the notes. But the general goal is to make the story focus more on the protagonists transformation as person, rather than the surface-level struggle of defending his neighborhood. As I mentioned, beneath it all, this is not a story about a neighborhood watch group trying to save their neighborhood. What this is real...
Top Reviewer
Peer Reviews
Overall, in conclusion, "Neighbour Watch" is a story that has quite an appeal and a unique tone that is difficult to pin down. However, it also works in the story's favour since the characters and situations in which they find themselves are easily relatable, and I think the plot also benefits from its simplicity – there's no saving the town, no action sequences, no big-budget bullshit. This is a story which I can definitely see being brought to...
Top Reviewer
Like I said, overall, it's a good idea. You have some great characters, good development, a little social awareness without being heavy-handed, and a decent idea. The main problem is that your idea has been used so many times that you need to make it less obvious. VInce being involved was a surprise, the rest I saw coming early into the script.
Top Reviewer
These are areas to improve
Transition between Scenes: Some transitions between scenes could be smoother. For example, when Randy finds the manila envelope, the transition to the court letter feels a bit abrupt. Adding smoother transitions or visual cues can enhance the flow.
Visual Descriptions: While the screenplay provides detailed descriptions of the characters and settings, there's room to enhance visual elements. Consider incorporating mor...
Top Reviewer
